ANGER | CONTROL | DEPRESSION

ANGER

How To Deal With Anger - by Dr. Preston T. Bailey, Jr.

HOW TO DEAL WITH ANGER

  1. Anger began in the mind of God. The Bible clearly states that God gets angry. Psalms 7:11-God is angry at the wicked every day.
  2. Anger in itself is not a sin. In the following verse it is a command to be angry. But sinful anger is anger that does not lead towards a constructive resolution. Ephesians 4:26 - be ye angry and sin not, let not the sun set upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil.
  3. Anger that is out of control can result in violence. The Bible is filled with cases of people who did foolish things from assault to murder because their anger got out of control. Proverbs 22:24- make no friendship with an angry man (uncontrolled).
  4. Anger can be a healthy source of motivation. Jesus was angry with the moneychangers in the temple so he cast them out. But the Bible does not say that Jesus physically hurt them or assaulted them. Many people accomplish great acts for the betterment of society out of anger. Mothers Against Drunk Drivers was started because a mother was mad at drunk drivers. Many lives have been saved as a result of her constructive anger.
  5. Anger is a very strong emotion of displeasure or disapproval.
  6. Anger not dealt with increases our frustration. Frustration is when you have a goal or task in mind that you want to accomplish and you feel you are hindered from reaching that goal.
  7. Anger not dealt with results in a more serious problem.
    a. Mild irritation - being mildly upset or disappointed.
    b. Indignation - a feeling that something must be answered.
    c. Wrath - a strong desire to avenge. Proverbs 27:4- wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous.
    d. Fury - a strong emotional outburst that can result in violence.
    e. Rage - totally uncontrolled anger that results in destruction 9 out of 10 homicides occur against family members. 22% of the policemen killed in the line of duty as a result of breaking up family disputes.

FALSE BELIEFS ABOUT ANGER

  1. "I believe that whenever I cannot do what I want to do that I should get angry."
  2. "I believe that if I cannot get my way that I should get angry."
  3. "I believe that if someone says something that I do not like or agree with that I should get angry."
  4. "I believe that if others will not let me do what I want to do that I should get angry."
  5. "I believe that I have a right to demand that others treat me with respect."
  6. "I believe I should get angry if I am not treated fair or just by others."
  7. "It is impossible to be happy as long as he/she is around so I should get angry."
  8. "If I don't get angry, I will keep having this same problem."
  9. "I believe that I should never be treated bad at all or I should get upset."
  10. "I believe that when someone hurts me in anyway then they did it on purpose and do not care about my needs."
  11. "I believe that if I do not get my way then others did it on purpose or intentionally."
  12. "I believe that when others do something to upset me then they did it to personally attack me."
  13. "I believe that when others do not respond the way I expect then they did it to belittle, ignore, or put me down."
  14. "I believe that whenever I get angry, I have the right to say and do anything I feel like."
  15. "I believe that when if I get angry, it is better to hold my feelings in instead of talking about it."
  16. "I believe that I should get angry when others do not act in the manner I expect."
  17. "It is intolerable if others do not treat me in the way I want to be treated so I should get angry."
  18. "To get my way I should holler, scare someone, threaten them, hit somebody, act pitiful, draw attention to myself, make an embarrassing scene in public, or anything else that it takes.

REASONS WHY PEOPLE GET ANGRY

  1. We get angry because people hurt us.
  2. We get angry because people hurt those we love.
  3. We get angry because we think someone has hurt us or our loved ones when they really have not.
  4. We get angry when someone does not meet up to our unrealistic expectations.
  5. We get angry when circumstances do not turn out like we expect them to. James 5:16 - confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

WRONG WAYS TO DEAL WITH ANGER

  1. REPRESSION - Repression is when we press our anger inside instead of talking about it. Proverbs 10:18- he that hides hatred is a fool.
  2. UNCONTROLLED EXPRESSION - This is like throwing things, saying mean things, or doing mean things. Proverbs 29:11 - a fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Ephesians 4:29 - let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth...

THE PROPER WAY TO CONTROL ANGER

  1. Recognize the honest way you feel. Proverbs 28:13 - whosoever covers his sins will not prosper. Ephesians 4:15 - speak the truth in love.
  2. Listen carefully to what people say. Get the facts first. Calmly share your viewpoint. You can disagree without being disagreeable. Matthew 18:15 - go to your brother and talk to him about it. John 7:24 - judge not according to appearance but judge righteous judgment.
  3. Think of the consequences of your words before you speak. Once you say them you cannot take them back. Hurt feelings are hard to mend. Proverbs 29:11- a fool utters all his mind, but a wise man holds it in until afterwards. The old saying "count to 10 before you speak." James 1:19- let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. I Corinthians 13:5- love thinks no evil.
  4. Channel your anger to attack the problem instead of the person involved. Romans 12:19 - avenge not yourselves but rather give place to wrath. God will repay. Matthew 5:44 - love your enemies.
  5. Suppress improper anger and think of how to deal with it in a more appropriate fashion. Proverbs 19:11 - the discretion of a man defers his anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 14:29 - a patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
  6. Respond in a kind manner. Proverbs 15:1 - a soft answer turns away wrath... Eph 4:31-32 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (NIV)
  7. Do not provoke others to anger. Proverbs 15:18 - a hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. Colossians 3:21 - fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged (Ephesians 6:4)
  8. Ask yourself, "What will my anger accomplish?" Ecclesiastes 7:9 - be not hasty in thy bosom to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools. Proverbs 14:17 - a quick-tempered man does foolish things
  9. Plan your response ahead of time when you get angry. Think specifically what you can say when someone says something that bothers you such as: "I felt angry when you said that!" or "I prefer that you not do that!" Proverbs 16:32 - better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
  10. Nail all your anger to the cross Learn to forgive others as God has forgiven you. Matthew 6:14-15 - as God forgives us we ought to forgive others. Galatians 5:24 - and they that are ChristÕs have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
  11. Immediately when you start to get angry, go and find a constructive outlet for your anger. It is usually best if you exercise, do aerobics, walk around the block, work in the garden, practice your hobby, listen to music, build something, etc. But it is best not to drive in a car, etc. because an angry person does not think clearly and could get in a wreck. Rom 12:19-21 - Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (NIV)
  12. When you are calm, return to a neutral place and continue your discussion. If you start to raise your voice or get angry, go practice your outlet again. If this happens 3 times in a row, put off the discussion until the next day. Proverbs 15:1-2 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. (NIV)
  13. Be willing to compromise and meet the person halfway. Otherwise, the other person will resent you. Consider his or her opinion as equal to yours. Rom 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. (NIV) Rom 12:16-18 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (NIV)

ANGER | CONTROL | DEPRESSION

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