ANGER | CONTROL | DEPRESSION

CONTROL

How To Deal With Anger - by Dr. Preston T. Bailey, Jr.

FALSE BELIEFS ABOUT CONTROL

  1. I can control other people
  2. I can control other people by my forceful personality
  3. I can control others by intimidation or fear
  4. I can control others by hollering, hitting, or threats
  5. I can control others by manipulation
  6. I can control others to get what I want
  7. I can control others if I am insistent enough
  8. I can control others if I am cunning enough
  9. I can control others by lying or stretching the truth

TRUE BELIEFS ABOUT CONTROL

  1. You cannot control another person without his or her permission
  2. If you try to control others by external pressure then it will only be temporary
  3. If you try to control others by intimidation, manipulation, hollering, hitting, or calling others bad names then they will resent you and eventually want to leave you
  4. If you try to control others by lying then eventually they will not believe what you say
  5. If you try to control others by being insistent then they will avoid you or the subjects that you are insistent about
  6. It is hard enough trying to control yourself but it is even more difficult to try and control others
  7. If you want to try and get what you want from others then help them get what they want and they may help you get what you want
  8. If you want to get some of the things you want from others then try and compromise or meet others halfway and you should get at least half of what you want
  9. External motivation is only temporary. Anyone will change his or her behavior long-term if you discover oneีs internal motivation or values and meet those needs in them
  10. It is extremely difficult to control anyone long-term so if you want a change in your relationship then you need to make the necessary change
  11. There is no guarantee that another person will change so you have decide if you will accept him or her the way he or she is right now without any change
  12. To make a change in anyone it takes all four elements: - 1) the right information to make the change - 2) the right internal motivation to make the needed change - 3) the appropriate skill necessary to make the desired change and - 4) practicing that appropriate skill on a regular basis for at least 21 times in a row
  13. You cannot change someone else. All you can do is share your feelings, opinions, preferences, motives, and perceptions then leave it up to him or her to decide what choice to make

ANGER | CONTROL | DEPRESSION

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