Lighthouse Counseling Ltd. Blog

The Power of Choice: Empowering Your Mental Health Through Everyday Decisions

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 14:55:30 GMT

The Power of Choice: Learn How To Empower Your Mental Health Through Everyday Decisions

Have you ever stood in front of your closet, paralyzed by the simple decision of what to wear on a crisp Minnesota morning? Or debated whether to hit the trails at a local state park or curl up with a book by the fire? Life in the Land of 10,000 Lakes is brimming with choices, big and small—and that's a good thing. As a counseling practice here in Minnesota, we see firsthand how embracing the power of choice can transform stress into strength, turning overwhelming moments into opportunities for growth. Drawing from psychological principles like Choice Theory, developed by psychiatrist William Glasser, we'll explore how choices shape our lives, why they matter for mental well-being, and practical ways to harness them—even when life feels out of control.

What Is Choice, Really?

At its core, choice is the act of selecting from two or more possibilities, but it's far more profound than picking coffee over tea. According to Choice Theory, a foundational concept in psychology, all our behaviors—including our thoughts, feelings, and actions—are chosen to fulfill five basic human needs: survival (like safety and health), love and belonging (connections with others), power (achievement and competence), freedom (autonomy), and fun (enjoyment and learning). This theory emphasizes that we're not passive victims of circumstance; instead, we have internal control over how we respond to the world around us.

Think about it: When you're deciding whether to shovel the driveway after a fresh snowfall or ask a neighbor for help, you're not just managing a task—you're actively meeting needs for survival (staying safe) and belonging (building community). Understanding this shifts choice from a mundane task to a powerful tool for personal empowerment. Research in positive psychology supports this, showing that people who feel in control of their decisions report lower levels of anxiety and higher life satisfaction. In counseling sessions, we often help clients uncover how unrecognized choices are influencing their mood and relationships, leading to breakthroughs that feel liberating.

Choices in the Rhythm of Daily Life

Life throws endless options our way: Where to hike on a sunny weekend—maybe Minnehaha Falls or the North Shore? What to cook for dinner using fresh produce from a local farmers' market? Or even who to reach out to for a quick chat during a busy day. These seemingly trivial decisions add up, shaping our habits and mindset.

To make better choices, start by weighing pros and cons, but go deeper. Ask yourself: Does this align with my core needs? For instance, choosing a group yoga class over solo exercise might fulfill your need for belonging, boosting your emotional resilience. Choice Theory reminds us that all behavior is purposeful—it's our brain's way of pursuing what we truly want. By becoming more intentional, you can avoid autopilot mode, where negative patterns like procrastination or self-doubt creep in. Clients often tell us that practicing this awareness turns routine days into more fulfilling ones, reducing feelings of being "stuck."

Mastering Your Inner World: Choices in Thoughts and Emotions

Our minds are bustling hubs, with thousands of thoughts buzzing through each day—some uplifting, others draining. Negative thinking, like ruminating on a work setback or winter blues during Minnesota's long cold spells, can spiral into emotions like sadness or frustration. But here's the empowering truth: You choose whether to dwell on those thoughts or redirect them.

Choice Theory highlights internal control psychology, where we shift from blaming external factors (like the weather or others' actions) to owning our responses. Instead of entertaining negativity, try evidence-based strategies:

Challenge the thought: Ask, "Is this true, or am I catastrophizing?" This cognitive reframing, often used in therapy, can rewire neural pathways for positivity.
Practice mindfulness: A quick body scan or journaling session can clear mental clutter, fostering self-awareness.

Studies from the American Psychological Association show that such techniques reduce stress hormones like cortisol, improving overall mood. In our practice, we teach clients these tools to build emotional agility, turning "bad days" into manageable ones.

Navigating Tough Times: You Always Have Options

We've all faced moments of hurt, discouragement, or overwhelm—perhaps job loss amid economic shifts or family strains during holiday gatherings. It might feel like choices vanish, but even in hardship, options exist. Choice Theory asserts that while we can't control events, we control our behaviors to meet our needs.

Consider these empowering choices:

Reach out for support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. In Minnesota, community resources like local support groups or our counseling services can provide a lifeline.
Respond thoughtfully to negativity: Instead of reacting impulsively, pause and choose empathy or boundaries—protecting your need for freedom and power.
Seek therapy: A counselor can guide you in learning coping strategies, like building a "quality world" of positive relationships and goals, as per Choice Theory.
Move forward intentionally: Set small, achievable steps, such as journaling gratitudes or exploring new hobbies like ice fishing or cross-country skiing to inject fun.

Even small actions pack a punch. Reading positive affirmations ("I am capable and resilient"), deep breathing exercises (try the 4-7-8 technique: inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8), listening to calming playlists, or chatting with a friend can shift your mindset. These build confidence incrementally, as neuroscience reveals they strengthen brain regions tied to resilience. Remember, starting small is effective—it's about progress, not perfection.

Embracing the Unknown: Choices Aren't Set in Stone

You don't need the "perfect" choice right away. Life's complexities mean it's okay to:

Change your mind: New information or feelings can lead to better paths. Flexibility is a strength, not a flaw.
Gather more insights: Consult books, podcasts, or a therapist to expand your perspective.
Act on what you know now: Make the best decision with current resources, trusting you'll adjust as neededs

This approach reduces decision fatigue, a common issue where overthinking leads to burnout. In counseling, we help clients practice this through role-playing or goal-setting exercises, fostering a sense of agency.

Taking the Next Step Toward Empowered Choices

The beauty of choice lies in its universality—it's available to everyone, every day. By recognizing your power to choose, you can cultivate a life of greater fulfillment, stronger relationships, and improved mental health. If you're in Minnesota and ready to explore how choices can enhance your well-being, our counseling team is here to support you. Whether through individual sessions, workshops, or telehealth, we draw on proven frameworks like Choice Theory to help you navigate life's crossroads with confidence.

What choice will you make today? Start small, and watch the ripple effects unfold. Contact us to learn more—we're committed to helping you thrive.

ADHD, Time Management, and Relationships: A Compassionate Guide for Partners

Fri, 20 Feb 2026 00:03:26 GMT

��️�� New Episode!

ADHD, time management & relationships—let’s talk about it. ⏰❤️

Tune in for compassionate tips to strengthen your connection. ��✨

ADHD affects more than just focus—it fundamentally shapes how the brain processes time, organization, and follow-through. One of the most common challenges is time blindness: difficulty accurately estimating how long tasks will take, starting them on time, or smoothly transitioning between activities.

To a partner, these struggles can sometimes appear as procrastination, disregard, or lack of effort. In reality, they often stem from an overwhelmed nervous system rather than a lack of care or commitment. Understanding this distinction is key to reducing frustration and building stronger connection.'

What Helps in a Relationship

1. Assume good intent.

Time management difficulties do not reflect how much your partner values you or the relationship. Reframing challenges as brain-based (rather than character-based) can prevent resentment and open the door to teamwork.

2. Make time visible.

Verbal reminders often fade quickly for someone with ADHD. Instead, rely on external, visual tools that work with the brain's wiring:

● Shared digital calendars (with alerts and color-coding)

● Written plans or checklists

● Timers and alarms for transitions

These supports reduce the mental load and help everyone stay aligned.

3. Work as a team.

Shift from repeated reminders or corrections to collaborative problem-solving. Try gentle, solution-focused questions like:

● “What might make starting this easier next time?”

● “How can we set this up so it feels more manageable for both of us?”

This approach fosters partnership rather than criticism.

4. Focus on what matters most.

Not every responsibility needs equal urgency. Sit down together to:

● Identify true priorities

● Decide where flexibility is realistic

● Divide tasks based on each person's strengths

This creates balance and prevents burnout for both partners.

If You Have ADHD

Are you wrestling with time blindness or chronic lateness? You're not alone—and you're not broken. With brain-friendly strategies and supportive systems, managing time becomes far more achievable. Therapy can be especially helpful: it reduces shame, strengthens communication, and helps build sustainable routines that actually fit how your brain works.

Considering Therapy?

If ADHD-related time challenges or relationship tension are affecting your daily life, therapy offers a safe space to explore barriers and create tailored tools. Whether you're seeking individual support to build self-compassion and practical skills, or couples work to navigate dynamics together, you don't have to figure it out in isolation.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

— Ephesians 4:32

Supporting a partner with ADHD—or living with it yourself—takes patience, understanding, and teamwork. With empathy and the right strategies, relationships can not only survive these challenges but grow deeper and more resilient.

Make 2026 the Year You Finally Choose Yourself: Invest in Your Mental Health

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 02:05:58 GMT

�� Take care of your mind in 2026 — it’s the resolution that actually lasts ��

Hit play and start healing today ��✨ #MentalHealthMatters

Forget the fleeting gym memberships and half-hearted diet plans that fizzle out by February. This January, as 2026 unfolds, give yourself the resolution that actually sticks—one with compounding returns for the rest of your life.

Prioritize your mental health.

In a world that moves faster every year, the weight of constant stress, endless notifications, job insecurity, fractured relationships, lingering past hurts, and the quiet burnout so many feel is heavier than ever. Recent reports show that work negatively impacts mental health for about 1 in 4 employees, while job insecurity alone significantly heightens stress for over half of U.S. workers. Anxiety, depression, and exhaustion aren't just "part of life"—they're signals that your mind deserves care, just like your body does.

The payoff? Investing in your mental well-being doesn't just lift your mood—it rewires your entire life. You'll build deeper resilience to handle whatever comes next, forge stronger connections with the people who matter, show up more focused and creative at work, and finally experience what it feels like to live with genuine lightness and clarity. These aren't nice-to-haves; they're game-changers.

You Don't Need a Total Life Overhaul—Just Consistent, Kind Steps

Start small. Sustainable change happens through gentle, repeatable actions that build momentum:

Commit to therapy as your anchor. Even bi-weekly sessions with a skilled therapist can be the difference between merely surviving stress and truly thriving through it. Think of it as regular maintenance for the most important relationship you'll ever have—your relationship with yourself.
Carve out space for self-reflection. A few minutes of journaling, guided mindfulness, or simply sitting in stillness each day sharpens self-awareness, helps you name emotions before they overwhelm you, and creates breathing room in a noisy world.
Protect your energy with fierce boundaries. Say no to what drains you without apology. Say yes to rest, joy, and people who refill your cup. Boundaries aren't walls—they're gates that let the good in and keep toxicity out.
Curate your circle intentionally. Surround yourself with people who cheer your growth, challenge you kindly, and hold space for your real feelings—not just the polished version.

This isn't about "fixing" yourself. It's about honoring yourself.

2026 Can Be Your Year of Real Healing and Unstoppable Growth

Choosing mental health isn't weakness—it's quiet strength. Whether you're wrestling with anxiety that keeps you awake at night, depression that dulls your colors, patterns you'd rather leave behind, or simply a deep desire to feel more alive and connected, this resolution has the power to transform everything.

At Lighthouse Counseling , we offer a warm, confidential, completely judgment-free space where individuals, teens, and couples can unpack what's heavy, discover healthier ways to cope, and step into the version of themselves they've been waiting to meet.

If you're ready to stop putting your well-being last—if you want to feel more balanced, more resilient, and more you in 2026—therapy isn't just helpful. It's the most powerful first step you can take.

Your future self is already thanking you.

�� Reach out today. Let's start building the lasting mental wellness you deserve.

—your journey doesn't have to wait another year.

What Do We Truly Achieve Through Counseling and Self-Discovery?

Wed, 24 Dec 2025 14:55:31 GMT

�� Therapy isn't about fixing you—it's about discovering your true self. ��❤️

Tune in to this podcast episode for insights on self-discovery and real growth! ��️✨

Listen now & become more YOU. ��️

#TherapyTruths #SelfDiscovery

What Do We Truly Achieve Through Counseling and Self-Discovery?

From my perspective—and drawing on years of experience supporting people through mental health challenges—counseling isn't primarily a place to "fix" problems. It's far more powerful as a dedicated space for self-discovery. Yes, easing symptoms and creating change matters deeply, but the most transformative growth often emerges when we uncover how our past experiences, relationships, and hidden internal patterns shape the way we relate to ourselves and the world around us.

The Deeper Roots of Common Struggles

Many issues that bring people to therapy—anxiety, burnout, relationship conflicts, or that nagging sense of "feeling stuck"—rarely stand alone. They usually build gradually, intertwined with the coping mechanisms we learned in childhood, our attachment styles, and how we've made sense of difficult emotions over time.

Counseling invites us to pause and examine these patterns with gentle curiosity instead of harsh judgment. It's like turning on a soft light in a room we've navigated in the dark for years—suddenly, we see the layout more clearly.

Healing Relationships, Inside and Out

A core focus of my work is relationships: the ones we have with others and the often-overlooked one we have with ourselves.

Our early experiences profoundly influence how safe we feel voicing needs, setting boundaries, or trusting intimacy. Meanwhile, inside, we carry an ongoing inner dialogue that can feel nurturing one day and critical or chaotic the next.

Therapy shines a compassionate light on these dynamics, especially when different parts of us feel in conflict—pulled toward safety yet longing for connection, or frozen in indecision. Greater awareness here can unlock profound shifts.

Beyond Insight: The Real Engine of Change

I firmly believe lasting change requires more than intellectual "aha" moments. Understanding why we react a certain way is valuable, but insight alone rarely brings lasting relief.

What truly moves the needle is integrating that understanding emotionally and relationally—feeling it in our bodies, practicing it in real interactions, and building new habits of response.

Through counseling, people often cultivate deeper emotional awareness, genuine self-compassion, and the flexibility to choose responses that serve them now, rather than echoing old survival strategies.

Becoming More Fully You

At its heart, therapy isn't about reinventing yourself into someone entirely new. It's about becoming more authentically and fully you—more attuned to your true needs, core values, and recurring patterns, and more empowered to make choices that align with who you are today.

Whether you're seeking personal growth, navigating relationship challenges, or recovering from prolonged stress and burnout, counseling provides a safe, supportive container to explore what's happening beneath the surface—and to gently discover what you might need to move forward with greater ease and wholeness.

Navigating Holiday Stress: How Therapy Can Help

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 03:26:04 GMT

Navigating Holiday Stress:
Learn How Therapy Can Help (Listen To Our Podcast):

The Holiday season is approaching again, and this can bring up many feelings. The holiday season can be a time of joy and connection. Gathering with loved ones, spending extra time with each other. The acts of giving and services, celebrations of faith and traditions, time to rest and reflect, celebrating achievements and milestones and making new memories.

It can for some also bring stress, tension, and complicated relationship dynamics towards the forefront. Family gatherings, high expectations, and the pressure to “do it all” might leave us feeling overwhelmed. Feeling as if you want to control everything, but know this is not possible.

Therapy can offer a supportive space to explore these challenges, build coping strategies, and maintain emotional balance during the holidays.

Understanding the Sources of Holiday Stress

Holiday stress often stems from multiple sources:

Emotional triggers related to family history or past experiences
Grief, loneliness, or unmet expectations
Conflicting obligations and social pressures

In therapy, you can identify these patterns and understand the root of your stress, rather than just reacting to it. Awareness is the first step toward creating a calmer, more intentional holiday experience.

Managing Relationship Dynamics

Therapy can helps you

Recognize your patterns in family systems
Communicate your needs effectively
Navigate conflict while maintaining your emotional balance

The goal is to respond in ways that honor both your well-being and your relationships. How can we set healthy boundaries while caring for ourselves and find that extra time to care for our loved ones.

Gaining Insight and Self-Awareness

One of the greatest benefits of therapy is the insight it provides. You may notice patterns in your reactions, understand why certain interactions feel triggering, and gain perspective on longstanding family dynamics. This awareness allows you to approach the holidays with more clarity and less emotional strain.

Final Thoughts

The holidays don’t have to be overwhelming. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your emotions, develop practical coping strategies, and navigate complex relationship dynamics. With guidance, you can approach this season with greater calm, insight, and resilience — making it more meaningful, manageable and joyful.

For those who find strength in faith, remembering that God’s love and grace are constant and can provide comfort and perspective amid the season.

The Myth of the “Churched” Man: Why Sexual Addiction Doesn’t Discriminate

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 03:55:25 GMT

��️ Break the silence on sexual addiction—churched or not! Tune in NOW for real stories, hope & healing. ⛪��➡️��
#MythBusted #RecoveryStartsHere

In Minnesota and beyond, countless men have grown up believing that faithful church involvement acts as a shield against life’s toughest battles. Weekly services, biblical teachings, and a supportive faith community are often viewed as unbreakable armor—protecting against addiction, moral slips, and relational breakdowns. But when it comes to sexual addiction—including pornography addiction, infidelity, casual hookups, or compulsive sexual behaviors—the reality paints a far different picture.

Research and real-life stories reveal a startling truth: There’s no significant difference in risk for sexual compulsivity between “churched” men and those outside the faith. Sexual addiction in men doesn’t play favorites.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” — Romans 3:23

If you’re a Minnesota man grappling with these issues, know that help is available from counselors who specialize in sexual addiction therapy in Minnesota. Let’s debunk the myths and explore the path to true healing.

Why the Struggle Hits Equally Hard—Churched or Not

Church attendance, doctrinal knowledge, and sincere intentions simply don’t tackle the root causes of addiction: deep-seated shame, loneliness, emotional numbness, and unmet cravings for genuine intimacy and identity.

In fact, men from strict religious upbringings—where sexual struggles are hushed, feared, or condemned—often carry intensified shame. This internal battle doesn’t extinguish the addiction; it fuels it.

Shame breeds secrecy. The dread of judgment or exposure traps men in silence.
Secrecy breeds isolation. And isolation is fertile ground for addiction to thrive.
Isolation destroys intimacy. The deep connection your heart yearns for slips further away.

“Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” — James 5:16

Bible memorization, daily prayers, or Sunday pew-sitting doesn’t change the core pain. Whether you’re a lifelong churchgoer or haven’t stepped foot in one for years, the drivers of compulsive sexual behavior remain universal.

What Minnesota Research Reveals About Religiosity and Sexual Addiction

Extensive studies on hypersexual disorder and pornography addiction challenge the protective myth of faith:

In assessments of men with hypersexual disorder, religiosity showed no correlation with hypersexuality levels (via tools like the Hypersexual Behavior Inventory and Consequences Scale).
A study of internet pornography users (350 religious vs. 114 non-religious) found religious men viewed porn less often but reported higher sexual compulsivity (20.8% vs. 12.3%).
Additional research indicates strong religious beliefs predict greater self-perceived porn addiction, even at identical usage rates.

The takeaway? Being “churched” offers no inherent safeguard against sexual addiction in men. For some, the clash between faith and behavior heightens distress and moral conflict, intensifying the cycle.

“The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” — Matthew 26:41

How Untreated Sexual Addiction Stunts a Man’s Growth

Left unaddressed, sexual compulsivity doesn’t stay confined to private moments—it erodes every facet of life, limiting potential in Minnesota homes, workplaces, and communities.

Emotional Maturity Freezes in Place Addiction halts growth at the age self-soothing began with sex or fantasy. Men become emotionally distant, struggling to connect, empathize, or handle stress without escape. “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” — 1 Corinthians 13:11
Leadership Crumbles Without Integrity True leadership—in marriage, career, community, or ministry—requires alignment between inner truth and outer actions. A hidden double life shatters that foundation. “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” — Proverbs 10:9
Relationships Remain Shallow and Performative Craving closeness but fearing vulnerability, addicted men settle for surface-level bonds. Romantic, spiritual, and professional ties never deepen beyond image. “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” — Romans 12:9
Purpose and Passion Fade Away The mental energy drained by guilt, secrecy, and compulsion leaves little for vision or calling. “No one can serve two masters… You cannot serve both God and money.” — Matthew 6:24 (Replace “money” with “lust”—the false master enslaving many.)

Breaking Free: Healing Beyond “Trying Harder”

Recovery from porn addiction, infidelity, or compulsive hookups isn’t about increased spirituality or willpower. It’s about addressing the wounds beneath.

Key steps include:

● Confronting shame with honesty and self-compassion.

● Establishing safe, accountable support networks.

● Mastering emotional regulation techniques.

● Rediscovering authentic identity—free from performance.

Many churched men mistake religious busyness for transformation. True change comes when grace reshapes the heart.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

The Hopeful Truth for Minnesota Men

Sexual addiction steals intimacy, purpose, and leadership potential from any man—regardless of church background. But recovery is equally accessible to all.

Choose honesty over facade, vulnerability over solitude, and growth over guilt. Reclaim emotional depth, healthy relationships, and authentic influence.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” — Galatians 5:1

Freedom starts not in the pew, but in a courageous heart ready for truth and healing.

Ready for Sexual Addiction Counseling in Minnesota?

If pornography addiction , affairs, hookups, or compulsivity resonate with your story, you don’t have to face it alone. As a leading sexual addiction therapist in Minnesota, Jake Tastad offers compassionate, expert guidance tailored to men from all walks—including faith communities.

We’ll uncover roots, build practical tools, and awaken the leader within.

Schedule your confidential session today and step into lasting freedom. Professional counseling for sexual addiction in Minnesota is just one click away.

Am I a Sex Addict?" — Recognizing the Signs and Taking the First Step Toward Freedom

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 01:39:24 GMT

Am I a Sex Addict?" — Recognizing the Signs and Taking the First Step Toward Freedom: What You Need To Know In Our Latest Podcast:

Sex. It’s everywhere—advertising, social media, TV shows, movies, and, of course, the internet. For Christian men, navigating our sexual integrity in this culture is not just a challenge—it’s often a battle.

But how do you know when it crosses a line? When does “being visual” or “just having a high libido” turn into something more serious?

At some point, many men find themselves asking:

“Am I a sex addict?”

If that question makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. Many men wrestle with sexual struggles in silence, guilt, and shame. But the truth is, freedom starts with honesty.

Common Excuses That Hide a Deeper Issue

One of the first signs of sexual addiction isn’t just the behavior—it’s the excuses we use to justify it. Here are a few we hear often in counseling:

“I just have a higher libido than most guys.” While libido varies from person to person, using this as a reason to watch porn daily, visit strip clubs, or engage in risky sexual behavior may be masking a deeper issue.
“At least I’m not cheating. You should see what other guys are doing.” If you're constantly escaping into porn, chat rooms, or emotional affairs, you're still stepping outside the bounds of faithfulness—even if there’s no physical infidelity.
“I can stop anytime I want.” But you haven’t. And when you try, the withdrawal, irritability, or relapse cycle keeps pulling you back in.
“It’s not hurting anyone.” Sexual addiction often leads to broken trust, isolation, spiritual numbness, and even damage to marriages and families.

Excuses don’t lead to healing. But truth does.

Is It Addiction or Just a Struggle?

Sexual addiction isn’t just about frequency—it’s about compulsivity. When sexual behaviors start to control you, interfere with your relationships, impact your spiritual life, or go against your values, it may be more than just a "struggle."

Here are a few questions to consider:

Do I feel powerless to stop my sexual behaviors, even when I want to?
Have I tried to quit before but found myself going back?
Do I keep secrets from my spouse, friends, or church community?
Have my sexual habits escalated over time (more graphic content, riskier behavior)?
Do I use sex or porn to cope with stress, boredom, or emotional pain?

If you answered yes to several of these, it’s time to take a deeper look.

Take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST)

Developed by Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sexual addiction recovery, the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) is a confidential, validated tool used by professionals around the world. It helps you evaluate whether your behaviors align with patterns of sexual addiction.

You can take the test online here: https://psychology-tools.com/test/sast

It only takes a few minutes, and it could be the first real step toward healing.

There Is Hope. You’re Not Alone.

Sexual addiction thrives in secrecy. But healing begins in community.

At Lighthouse Counseling, we provide confidential, grace-filled counseling for men struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors. Whether you're dealing with porn addiction, infidelity, or other sexual strongholds, we’re here to walk with you.

We also encourage finding a support group , such as:

● Pure Desire (puredesire.org)

● Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)

● Celebrate Recovery

These communities offer encouragement, accountability, and the powerful reminder that you are not the only one fighting this battle—and you don’t have to fight it alone.

Next Steps

If you’re wondering whether your struggle with sex has become an addiction, don’t ignore that inner nudge. Take the SAST. Pray. Reach out.

There is no shame in needing help. But there is freedom in seeking it.

Let us walk with you toward healing, redemption, and restored integrity. Contact us today to schedule a confidential session.

You are not your addiction. You are a beloved son of God, called to live in truth and freedom.

Need help now? Schedule a confidential session with a Christian counselor who understands sexual addiction.

The Power of Routines for Mental Health and Personal Growth

Sat, 27 Sep 2025 15:01:39 GMT

Learn About The Power of Routines for Mental Health and Personal Growth: What You Should Know

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD in Minnesota, we believe in the transformative power of routines to enhance mental health, boost confidence, and foster personal growth. Incorporating healthy routines into your daily life can create structure, reduce stress, and promote a sense of control. Let’s explore why routines matter and how they can positively impact your emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being.

Why Routines Matter for Mental Health

Routines are often overlooked, yet they are a powerful tool for improving mental health and personal development. A simple habit, like making your bed each morning, may seem insignificant, but it sets the tone for a productive day. As one of the first tasks you complete, it provides a small sense of accomplishment that can spark a cycle of positive behaviors. This small act can boost confidence, enhance your mindset, and create momentum for tackling larger goals.

Research shows that routines provide structure and predictability, which are essential for reducing stress and anxiety. When life feels chaotic, a consistent routine—whether it’s making your bed, practicing mindfulness, or planning your day—offers a sense of control. At Lighthouse Counseling LTD, our Minnesota-based therapists help clients build personalized routines to support mental wellness and emotional balance.

The Impact of Healthy vs. Unhealthy Routines

Not all routines are created equal. Healthy routines, such as preparing for the next day, engaging in self-care, or spending quality time with loved ones, can be transformative. These habits promote relaxation, productivity, and meaningful connections. Conversely, unhealthy routines—like excessive social media scrolling, procrastination, or neglecting self-care—can hinder personal growth and mental health.

For example, an evening routine centered on self-care, such as journaling or reading, can prepare you for restful sleep and a productive tomorrow. On the other hand, spending hours on social media may increase stress and disrupt your mental clarity. By identifying and replacing unhelpful habits with intentional routines, you can create a positive ripple effect in your life.

How Routines Enhance Mental Health and Confidence

Routines are a cornerstone of mental health because they:

Reduce Stress: Consistent habits eliminate the need for constant decision-making, freeing up mental energy and reducing overwhelm.
Boost Confidence: Completing small tasks, like making your bed or exercising, builds a sense of accomplishment that carries into other areas of life.
Create Predictability: A structured routine fosters stability, which is especially grounding during challenging times.
Promote Focus: Routines help you prioritize goals, whether they’re related to self-care, work, or relationships.

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD, our Minnesota counselors work with clients to develop routines tailored to their unique needs, helping them achieve emotional and psychological balance.

Building Routines Around Key Areas of Life

Routines can be applied to various aspects of life, including:

Self-Care: Incorporate activities like exercise, meditation, or skincare to prioritize your well-being.
Household Tasks: Simple habits like meal planning or tidying up can create a sense of order and accomplishment.
Relationships: Schedule time for meaningful connections with family or friends to strengthen bonds.
Spiritual Practices: Daily prayer, gratitude, or reflection can nurture your spiritual growth.

For instance, a morning routine that includes prayer, a short walk, and planning your day can set a positive tone. Similarly, an evening routine of journaling and relaxation can help you unwind and prepare for restful sleep.

The Spiritual Power of Routines

For those who draw inspiration from faith, the Bible offers timeless wisdom about the value of routines. Consider these verses:

Matthew 6:6 encourages daily prayer and devotion, reminding us that consistent spiritual practices bring us closer to God.
Proverbs 12:11 highlights how routine work and integrity lead to abundance and fulfillment.
Exodus 20:8-10 emphasizes the importance of rest to achieve balance and honor the Sabbath.
Philippians 2:4 inspires us to serve others, fostering kindness and connection through intentional habits.
Psalm 118:24 reminds us to approach each day with gratitude, cultivating a positive outlook.

By incorporating these principles into your routines, you can nurture both your mental health and spiritual well-being.

Start Small, Transform Big

The beauty of routines lies in their simplicity. You don’t need to overhaul your life to see results. Start with small, achievable habits—like making your bed, practicing gratitude, or taking a 10-minute walk. These small actions can lead to significant emotional, psychological, physical, and relational benefits.

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD in Minnesota, we’re here to support you in creating meaningful routines that align with your goals. Our experienced therapists offer personalized counseling to help you reduce stress, build confidence, and foster personal growth through intentional habits.

Take the First Step Toward Positive Change

Ready to harness the power of routines to improve your mental health and well-being? Contact Lighthouse Counseling LTD today to schedule a session with one of our compassionate Minnesota therapists. Let us help you create routines that transform your life—one small step at a time.

You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming: Navigating Life’s Transitions with Lighthouse Counseling LTD

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 03:03:44 GMT

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Life is full of seasons, and some feel like stormy, uncertain chapters. A job loss, a shifting relationship, or a delayed dream can leave you questioning, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I keep it all together?” At Lighthouse Counseling LTD , with locations across Minnesota, I want to remind you of a powerful truth: You’re not broken—you’re becoming.

Understanding the Stress of Life Transitions

From a clinical perspective, transitions—whether planned or unexpected—can activate your brain’s stress response system. Your nervous system thrives on predictability, so when routines, roles, or relationships change, it’s normal to experience anxiety, irritability, or even depressive symptoms. This discomfort isn’t a sign of failure; it’s your brain and body adapting to new circumstances.

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD, our experienced therapists in Minnesota help you navigate these changes with evidence-based approaches. As a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC), I’ve seen how transitions can feel overwhelming but also serve as opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and resilience.

Reframing Your Journey with Therapy

Therapy isn’t about “fixing” you—it’s about empowering you to reconnect with your inner strength and move forward with clarity and intention. Our counselors use proven therapeutic approaches to guide you through life’s transitions, including:

Narrative Therapy: Reframe your story to focus on your resilience and potential, not your struggles.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Identify and challenge unhelpful thought patterns to build healthier coping strategies.
Values-Based Reflection: Clarify what matters most to you, whether it’s faith, family, creativity, or community, to guide your next steps.

In our sessions, we explore meaningful questions to help you gain clarity:

What beliefs about yourself are being challenged by this transition?
What coping strategies have supported you in the past?
What values will anchor you in this new chapter?

Our goal is to create a safe, supportive space where you feel seen, heard, and empowered to embrace your evolving self.

Personalized Healing for Your Unique Journey

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD, we believe healing is not one-size-fits-all. Whether you find strength in mindfulness practices, creative expression, spiritual faith, or community connections, our therapists tailor sessions to your unique needs. With multiple locations across Minnesota, including Huthcinson, Waconia, Willmar, Litchfield, Sauk Rapids, and Shakopee, we’re here to support individuals, couples, and families facing life’s challenges.

Our counseling services are designed to help you:

Build resilience during times of uncertainty.
Develop practical tools to manage stress and anxiety.
Rediscover your purpose and direction.

Why Choose Lighthouse Counseling LTD?

With a team of compassionate, licensed therapists across Minnesota, Lighthouse Counseling LTD is committed to walking alongside you during life’s transitions. Whether you’re grieving a loss, navigating a career change, or seeking clarity in your relationships, our personalized approach helps you move forward with confidence. As Ashley Brinkman, LPCC, I’m dedicated to helping you find your path forward with empathy and expertise.

We offer both in-person and telehealth counseling services, making it easy to access support from anywhere in Minnesota. Our flexible scheduling and welcoming environment ensure you can find the care you need, when you need it.

Take the Next Step Toward Becoming

If you’re in a season of transition, you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Lighthouse Counseling LTD , we’re here to help you rediscover your strength, clarify your values, and embrace the person you’re becoming. Contact us today to schedule a session at one of our Minnesota locations or explore our telehealth options.

Ready to start your journey? Reach out to Lighthouse Counseling LTD at 855-454-2463 or visit our website at www.lighthousecounseling.com to learn more about our services and book an appointment. Let’s walk this path together.

Welcoming Abbe Dufault to Lighthouse Counseling in Waconia, MN

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 12:28:26 GMT

Join Us in Welcoming Abbe Dufault to our

Lighthouse Counseling Waconia, MN Location

At Lighthouse Counseling, LTD, we are thrilled to introduce Abbe Dufault , our newest intern, to our Waconia, MN location. Abbe brings a fresh perspective, a compassionate heart, and a dedication to helping individuals navigate their mental health journeys. Her addition strengthens our mission to provide a safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental environment for clients seeking counseling in Waconia and the surrounding areas.

Meet Abbe Dufault, Counseling Intern

Abbe earned her bachelor’s degree i n psychology from Crown College and is currently pursuing her master’s degree in counseling at the same institution. With a deep commitment to serving her community, Abbe is excited to intern at Lighthouse Counseling, where she can support individuals, families, and couples in achieving emotional and psychological wellness.

Abbe’s passion lies in helping clients facing anxiety, depression, and life transitions. She believes everyone has the potential for growth and healing, and she is dedicated to fostering a warm, empathetic space where clients feel truly seen and heard. Her counseling approach is grounded in person-centered therapy and narrative therapy , emphasizing each individual’s unique life story, strengths, and goals.

Whether you’re navigating a major life change, struggling with anxiety, or seeking support for depression, Abbe is here to walk alongside you with authenticity and care. Her goal is to empower clients to embrace their true selves and overcome challenges in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.

Why Choose Lighthouse Counseling in Waconia, MN?

Located in the heart of Waconia, MN, Lighthouse Counseling, LTD is a trusted resource for mental health support in Carver County and beyond. Our team of experienced therapists and interns, including Abbe, offers a wide range of services tailored to meet the unique needs of individuals, couples, and families. We specialize in addressing:

Anxiety and Depression: Helping clients manage overwhelming emotions and build coping strategies.
Life Transitions: Supporting individuals through major changes, such as career shifts, relationship changes, or personal growth.
Couples and Family Counseling: Strengthening relationships and fostering healthy communication.
Trauma and Grief: Providing a safe space to process loss and heal from past experiences.

Our Waconia location is home to a diverse team of professionals, including Larry Bengtson, MSE, LPCC , the founder of Lighthouse Counseling, who specializes in marriage and couples counseling, and Tomasina Uttecht , another talented intern with a focus on children’s behavioral health and family systems. Together, our team is committed to holistic, evidence-based care that nurtures the emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being of our clients.

What Sets Abbe Apart?

Abbe’s approach to counseling is both compassionate and structured, blending empathy with a focus on actionable growth. Her use of narrative therapy allows clients to reframe their experiences and discover new perspectives, while her person-centered approach ensures that every session is tailored to the client’s unique needs. Whether you’re seeking support for mental health challenges or guidance through a life transition, Abbe is dedicated to helping you achieve your goals.

As a Waconia native, Abbe is deeply connected to the community and understands the unique challenges faced by residents in the area. Her local roots and commitment to mental health make her a valuable addition to our team.

Schedule an Appointment with Abbe Dufault Today

We invite you to connect with Abbe Dufault at our Waconia, MN counseling center. Whether you’re seeking individual therapy, couples counseling, or support for life transitions, Abbe is ready to provide compassionate, personalized care. At Lighthouse Counseling, we believe in empowering our clients to thrive, and Abbe’s warm and empathetic approach is a perfect fit for this mission.

To schedule an appointment with Abbe or any of our skilled therapists, contact Lighthouse Counseling, LTD today. You can reach us through our website or by calling our Waconia office. Let us help you take the first step toward healing and growth.

Contact Us

Lighthouse Counseling, LTD

Waconia, MN

Request an Appointment | Contact Counselor

Welcome Carrie McCann, Mental Health Practitioner, to Lighthouse Counseling in Hutchinson, MN

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 02:10:15 GMT

Join Us in Welcoming Carrie McCann, Mental Health Practitioner, to our Lighthouse Counseling Hutchinson, MN Office

Lighthouse Counseling is excited to announce the newest addition to our team, Carrie McCann, Mental Health Practitioner , a highly skilled counselor bringing expertise and empathy to our Hutchinson, MN location. With a master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Liberty University, Carrie is passionate about supporting individuals, couples, and families on their path to change and growth.

A Compassionate Approach to Therapy

Carrie integrates various therapeutic methods tailored to her clients' needs, with a strong emphasis on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as a starting point. She is also trained in Attachment-Based Family Therapy (ABFT) , ideal for families aiming to resolve conflicts and improve communication. Whether you're new to therapy or looking to restart your journey, Carrie provides a judgment-free, empathetic environment to help you thrive.

Areas of Specialty

Relational Issues: Marriage and family counseling
Complex Trauma: Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse
Anxiety and Depression
Spirituality
Life Adjustments
Career Challenges
Grief

Carrie offers flexible scheduling with in-person sessions at our Hutchinson, MN office and telehealth options to accommodate your needs.

About Carrie

In her free time, Carrie loves spending time with her husband and three kids, reading, enjoying Minnesota summers on the lake, pursuing laughter, and savoring dark chocolate. Her personal interests reflect her warm and approachable nature, which she brings into every counseling session.

Join Us in Welcoming Carrie!

We are thrilled to have Carrie McCann join Lighthouse Counseling. If you're searching for a counselor in Hutchinson, MN, or need telehealth support, contact us today to schedule a session with Carrie and start your journey toward health, peace, and joy.

The Power of Routines

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 16:29:02 GMT

The Power Of Routines: What You Should Know

Routines may be a somewhat forgotten strategy to bolster mental health, personal growth and confidence. There is transformative power within any routine.

I once listened to someone reflect on the power of the routine of daily making one’s bed. “It’s such an insignificant thing, right? It’s just a bed I’ll mess up later tonight! What’s the big deal?” Consider this. Making one’s bed to start the day is one of the first opportunities to accomplish something in the day. Although there’s a small sense of accomplishment likely derived from this, making one’s bed can activate one’s behavior to create a more productive day. Making a bed can help someone feel better about themselves, boost confidence, feel more in control, increase a positive mindset, and start the process of achievable goals right from the very start of the day. Starting the day like this can spark a series of small accomplishments for some, creating a meaningful cycle of achievements, positive feelings, and a readiness to take on the next thing.

Each day offers many opportunities to string together a set of behaviors that can be transformational. Or not.

Routines can be fruitful and helpful AND they can be wasteful and hindering. For example, someone may have an evening routine involving preparations for the next day, personal self-care, leisure, quietness, and relaxation. Those are all good; however, maybe a routine is hindering a person. For instance, excessive scrolling of social media, procrastinating, avoiding things, or engaging in perpetual bad habits may all be considered unhealthy routines. It is very possible to be in a routine doing the wrong thing!

Routines impact our mental health for the better because they can create a sense of structure in our lives that can be difference-making because routines help us eliminate or reduce stress and help us all feel more in control. If everything feels out of control in life, at least making one’s bed is a thing that IS in control. A routine creates a sense of focus towards a desired set of outcomes. Routines also help establish a degree of predictability, which we all know can be very grounding.

A routine can be centered around several things including self-care, household tasks, or time and connections with others- just to name a few. The options are vast! Maybe there’s spots in all our lives where we could be more consistent, productive, and involved with our lives. Try prioritizing a routine with those areas of life and watch the benefits mentioned above create meaningful results in those areas!

God’s Word reminds us of the power of routines. In Matthew 6:6, Jesus reminds us that God rewards prayer and devotion. In Proverbs 12:11, we learn how routine work and integrity leads to abundance. Exodus 20:8-10 teaches that rest helps us achieve balance. Kindness and service to others emphasized in Philippians 2:4 helps us care for others and set ourselves aside. Having a daily sprit of gratitude (Psalm 118:24) helps us approach each day with a positive attitude and outlook.

Developing meaningful routines is powerful and life-changing! Taking the time to evaluate and develop routines can elevate any person’s personal life, work, confidence, and connections with others. Don’t underestimate how the power of routinely committing to a few regular things- making one’s bed, prayer, exercise, communicating with others, or planning the meals for the week- can produce very positive: emotions, psychological, physical, relational, and spiritual benefits!

Navigating the Emotional Journey: Parenting After an Autism Diagnosis

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 03:21:06 GMT

Navigating the Emotional Journey: Parenting After an Autism Diagnosis & What You Need To Know

Receiving a confirmed autism diagnosis for your child can be an overwhelming experience for some, filled with a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainties. As a parent, caretaker, it's natural to seek support and guidance to navigate. Engaging in counseling can be a pivotal step in processing your feelings, understanding your child's needs, and fostering a supportive environment for your family.

Understanding the Emotional Landscape

It is understandable that you experienced a complex mix of emotions—shock, grief, guilt, and even relief. It's essential to acknowledge these feelings without judgment. Recognizing and validating your emotions is the first step toward healing and acceptance. We can assist in identifying these emotions and developing strategies to cope effectively, ensuring that you maintain your well-being while supporting your child.

Educating Yourself and Others

Understanding autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is crucial in supporting your child effectively. Educating yourself about ASD can empower you to make informed decisions regarding therapies, educational strategies, and daily routines. Additionally, sharing this knowledge with family and friends can promote understanding and acceptance, creating a more supportive environment for your child and for you.

Remember, taking care of yourself enables you to be the best advocate and support for your child.

If you’re seeking counseling services, consider reaching out to Chantal Wohnoutka at Lighthouse Counseling Shakopee at (855)-454-2463 .

Chantal has years of experience working with neurodiverse individuals and is a Certified Autism Informed professional.

Breaking Free from Love Addiction: 3 Ways to Heal and Reclaim Yourself

Fri, 16 May 2025 04:14:13 GMT

Breaking Free from Love Addiction:

Explore 3 Ways to Heal and Reclaim Yourself

Love addiction can feel all-consuming. You may find yourself repeatedly seeking validation or fulfillment in relationships, feeling an overwhelming need for love, and sometimes losing sight of your true self in the process. It's easy to confuse this intense desire for connection with healthy love, but the difference is that love addiction can often leave you feeling empty, anxious, and constantly searching for more.

If you’re struggling with love addiction, you're not alone. The first step to healing is recognizing that this pattern is not your fault—it’s something you can work through with time and support. Here are three key ways to help you overcome love addiction and begin your journey toward healthy, balanced relationships.

1. Seek Individual Counseling

One of the most powerful tools for overcoming love addiction is individual counseling. A licensed therapist specializing in relationship dynamics and addiction can offer you a safe space to explore the root causes of your behavior. Love addiction often stems from unmet emotional needs, past trauma, or low self-worth. A counselor can help you understand the underlying issues that fuel your addiction and guide you in creating healthier coping strategies.

Therapy also provides a structured environment where you can unpack your thoughts and feelings, identify harmful patterns, and begin to develop a stronger sense of self outside of relationships. Through therapeutic techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), you’ll gain tools to change destructive thought patterns and build more sustainable emotional resilience.

2. Establish Healthy Boundaries

One of the hallmarks of love addiction is a lack of healthy boundaries. You may give too much of yourself to others, even at the expense of your own needs, or find it difficult to say no. To break free, it’s crucial to start practicing healthy boundaries in all your relationships. This includes learning how to communicate your needs, expressing your feelings without guilt, and not sacrificing your happiness for someone else.

Start small by setting boundaries in day-to-day interactions—whether it’s with friends, family, or a romantic partner. Over time, this will help you feel more empowered and less dependent on others for validation. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about protecting your emotional well-being.

3. Rediscover Your Interests and Passions

Love addiction often leads to a loss of self-identity. You may find that you’ve neglected your personal passions, hobbies, or career goals because your focus has been entirely on others. Reconnecting with the things that make you feel fulfilled and alive is an important step toward healing.

Start by revisiting activities or hobbies you once enjoyed before relationships took over. This can be anything from painting, writing, or hiking, to diving into new activities that spark your interest. By investing time in yourself, you’ll begin to restore your sense of self-worth and learn to appreciate the love you give yourself, which is the most important kind of love.

In Conclusion

Overcoming love addiction is a process, and it’s one that requires patience and commitment. Seeking individual counseling, learning to set boundaries, and rediscovering your personal passions are all powerful steps toward healing. Remember that you deserve healthy love, and with the right support, you can create a life that’s not defined by dependency, but by strength, self-love, and balanced relationships. You’re not alone in this journey—healing is possible, and it begins with you.

Person-Centered Therapy Empowering Healing with Compassion, Faith, and Expertise. Part 3: A Faith-Inspired Path to Wholeness

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 01:12:04 GMT

Part 3: A Faith-Inspired Path to Wholeness

Healing is a journey back to your truest self. Rogers taught that we’re born whole, but life’s pressures create a divide between our genuine self and the self we think we need to be accepted and "fit in" with the world around us. This incongruence, as he called it, fuels many of our struggles. His solution? A relationship built on empathy, authenticity, and unconditional acceptance.

Rogers envisioned the therapist as a facilitator, not a director, asking, “How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for their own personal growth?”

• Accurate Empathy : We seek to truly understand your story, validating your experiences with professional skill and heartfelt care.

• Congruence: We are genuine and self-aware, aligning our actions with your faith to foster trust.

• Unconditional Positive Regard : We see you as —worthy and redeemable—offering acceptance without judgment, as we support your growth.

This approach isn’t passive—it’s active listening paired with gentle accountability, tailored to your unique story so you can grow and heal. As expert person-centered counselors Cloud and Townsend write, “As we experience comfort, identification, and truth without judgment, we begin to heal” (2001, pg. 154).

Whether you’re new to therapy or a current client seeking deeper insight, we invite you to experience this blend of Rogers’ legacy and faith-based care. Contact us today to start your journey toward congruence, healing, and hope.

Person-Centered Therapy: Empowering Healing with Compassion, Faith, and Expertise -Part 2: Authenticity and Empathy—Building Trust for Transformation

Sun, 13 Apr 2025 01:48:57 GMT

Part 2: Authenticity and Empathy—
Building Trust for Transformation

Imagine a place where you’re truly heard—where your story matters, and your voice leads the way. Carl Rogers once said, “It does not help, in the long run, to act as though I were something that I am not.” Authenticity, or congruence, is the heartbeat of Person-Centered Therapy. For therapists, this means showing up as real, transparent professionals who genuinely care—never hiding behind a façade—creating a foundation of trust that invites clients to be their true selves.

Coupled with authenticity is empathy—the ability to deeply understand and validate a client’s experiences. Imagine a teenager wrestling with anger after a family upheaval, or an adult navigating grief while questioning their faith. The therapists listen intently, reflecting emotions and perspectives with care. This process helps clients feel seen and heard, often for the first time, paving the way for healing.

We see empathy and authenticity as reflections of God's love—present, compassionate, and unwavering. These qualities don’t just comfort; they empower clients to take responsibility for their growth, bridging psychological insight with personal values and purpose.

By creating a safe, accepting space, we help you uncover your authentic self and navigate life’s difficulties. In Part 3, we’ll dive into how this process aligns with our values, offering a path to wholeness that resonates with both heart and soul.

Empowering Healing with Compassion, Faith, and Expertise pt. 1

Sat, 29 Mar 2025 16:29:29 GMT

Part 1: The Heart of Healing
– Understanding Person-Centered Therapy

At the core of meaningful mental health care is a simple yet profound idea: you are the expert on your own life. In college I fell in love with Carl Rogers, Person-centered therapy theory, because of its revolutionary premise, that individuals hold the power to heal and grow when they are met with genuine care and acceptance. Rogers emphasized three key principles—empathy, authenticity, and unconditional positive regard—as the foundation for healthy holistic change. Unlike traditional approaches that position the therapist as the authority, this method trusts clients to uncover their own path to wholeness.

These principles resonate deeply with the values of love, grace, and redemption. We believe every person is inherently valuable and capable of growth. By integrating Person-Centered Therapy into our work, we create a safe, nonjudgmental space where clients can explore their struggles and strengths.

What does this mean for you? It means therapy isn’t about being “fixed” by someone else. It’s about discovering the strength within yourself to overcome challenges, guided by a therapist who listens deeply and values you unconditionally. At Lighthouse, we embrace this approach, blending Rogers’ wisdom with our faith-inspired mission to create a space where healing begins with understanding. This fusion empowers you to align your authentic self with your values, fostering both emotional healing and spiritual renewal. In the next section, we’ll explore how authenticity builds trust and drives meaningful change in therapy.

The Struggles of Feeling Misunderstood: A Look Into Life with Autism

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 15:02:36 GMT

Learn About The Struggles of Feeling Misunderstood: Take A Look Into Life with Autism

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a complex neurological condition that affects how individuals perceive, process, and engage with the world around them. It’s a spectrum, meaning that no two experiences are exactly alike. Some individuals may be non-verbal, others may experience heightened sensory sensitivities, and many have exceptional abilities in specific areas while facing difficulties in others.

Yet despite the diversity of experiences within the autism community, a shared challenge often emerges — the deep emotional toll of feeling misunderstood.

The Emotional Weight of Misunderstanding

For many individuals with autism, navigating a world that doesn’t seem to “get” them can be exhausting. Misinterpretations, misjudgments, and missed connections are common, and over time, these experiences can lead to frustration, anxiety, and sadness.

Social norms and expectations — things many people take for granted — can feel confusing, even overwhelming. The constant pressure to conform, to mask, or to explain oneself can chip away at self-esteem and contribute to feelings of isolation and depression.

When someone repeatedly feels “different” or “out of sync” with those around them, it can be difficult to feel a true sense of belonging. And that emotional distance can be one of the most painful aspects of living with autism.

Creating a Culture of Acceptance and Understanding

Reducing these feelings of misunderstanding starts with creating a more inclusive and empathetic society. The differences that come with autism aren’t deficits — they’re variations in how people experience and interact with the world.

Rather than trying to change or “fix” these differences, we can aim to better understand them. When we shift our perspective from judgment to curiosity, and from assumption to empathy, we open the door to deeper connections and more meaningful support.

How You Can Be More Supportive

If you’re looking for ways to better understand and support someone with autism, here are a few powerful starting points:

1) Listen with Intent

Communication may not always be verbal or follow typical patterns. Whether it’s through behavior, stimming, or alternative methods, try to understand what someone is expressing — not just how they’re expressing it. Patience and active listening go a long way.

2) Challenge Your Assumptions

Behavior is not always what it seems. If someone appears distant or unengaged, consider their sensory sensitivities, social anxiety, or need for a different communication style. The lens through which someone with autism views the world is unique — and worthy of respect.

3) Encourage Open Dialogue

If you're unsure how to support someone, just ask. Simple questions like “What makes you feel comfortable?” or “Is there a way you'd prefer to communicate?” show respect and create space for mutual understanding.

4) Educate and Advocate

The more we learn about autism, the more we can help break down harmful stereotypes and assumptions. Education fosters empathy, and empathy builds bridges that help everyone feel more connected and understood.

Embracing Differences, Celebrating Strengths

Every person is a unique individual with their own gifts, challenges, and perspectives. Autism is just one part of someone’s identity — not a definition of who they are.

Let’s shift the narrative. Instead of focusing on what’s “different,” let’s celebrate strengths, encourage authenticity, and create spaces where everyone feels safe to be themselves.

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD , we believe that every person deserves to be seen, heard, and valued — just as they are.

Help I think I am dealing with Anxiety!

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 02:45:56 GMT

Recognize the symptoms of anxiety

early so that you can seek the

appropriate support and treatment.

Anxiety is a natural human emotion, but when it becomes overwhelming, persistent, and disproportionate to the situation, it can interfere with daily life and well-being. Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health conditions worldwide, affecting millions of people of all ages. It’s important to recognize the symptoms of anxiety early so that you can seek the appropriate support and treatment.

You can experience different symptoms of anxiety, which can vary from person to person. These symptoms can manifest in several ways, including physical, emotional, and cognitive effects.

Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety often triggers the body’s "fight or flight" response, which is a natural reaction to perceived threats. As a result, many physical symptoms can occur. Some of the most common physical signs include:

1. Increased Heart Rate

One of the most noticeable physical symptoms of anxiety is a racing heart or palpitations. This happens because the body releases adrenaline in response to stress, preparing you to react quickly to danger. Even in non-threatening situations, the heart can race, leaving you feeling uneasy.

2. Shortness of Breath

Anxiety can lead to shallow or rapid breathing, making you feel as though you can’t catch your breath. This is often referred to as "hyperventilation" and can worsen anxiety, creating a vicious cycle.

3. Sweating

Excessive sweating, especially in the palms, feet, or underarms, is another common symptom of anxiety. The body’s sweat glands are activated by stress hormones, which can result in a clammy or uncomfortable feeling.

4. Tension and Muscle Tightness

Anxiety often causes muscle tension, particularly in the neck, shoulders, and back. This can lead to headaches or discomfort, which further exacerbates the feeling of anxiety.

5. Gastrointestinal Issues

Anxiety can affect the digestive system, leading to symptoms such as nausea, stomach cramps, diarrhea, or constipation. This is due to the close connection between the brain and the gut, often referred to as the "gut-brain axis."

6. Dizziness or Lightheadedness

Some people with anxiety experience dizziness or feel lightheaded. This can occur due to changes in blood pressure or breathing patterns, or it may be a reaction to the physical stress of anxiety.

7. Sleep Disturbances

Anxiety can interfere with sleep, causing insomnia or restless sleep. People with anxiety may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling unrefreshed.

Emotional and Cognitive Symptoms

Anxiety can also affect your thoughts and emotions. These cognitive and emotional symptoms can impact your daily life and relationships.

1. Excessive Worry

One of the hallmark symptoms of anxiety is constant, excessive worry about things that may or may not happen. People with anxiety often overthink situations, imagining the worst possible outcomes even when no immediate threat is present.

2. Restlessness

People with anxiety often experience a constant sense of unease or restlessness. They may find it hard to relax or feel "on edge," unable to calm their mind even during moments of peace.

3. Difficulty Concentrating

Anxiety can make it difficult to focus on tasks. Racing thoughts, worries, and fear can interfere with attention and concentration, leading to decreased productivity or feelings of frustration.

4. Irritability

Anxiety can make individuals more easily irritable or short-tempered. Even small inconveniences or stressors can feel overwhelming when someone is anxious, leading to mood swings or snapping at others.

5. Sense of Impending Doom

People with anxiety often feel a sense of dread or impending doom, even when there is no obvious danger. This irrational fear can create a constant state of heightened alertness.

6. Fear of Losing Control

Anxiety can also cause a person to fear losing control of their emotions or behavior. This fear is often linked to the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as feeling faint or having a panic attack.

7. Negative Thinking Patterns

Anxiety can lead to a pattern of negative thinking, where the individual may focus on worst-case scenarios or perceive situations as more threatening than they really are.

While anxiety is a normal part of life, if you notice that your symptoms are interfering with your ability to function at work, in relationships, or in your daily routine, it can be beneficial to seek professional help.

As anxiety affects individuals differently, recognizing its symptoms can help you better understand yourself and your symptoms. Whether it’s physical symptoms like a racing heart, emotional struggles like excessive worry, or cognitive difficulties like negative thinking patterns,

I can help you manage your symptoms, learn coping strategies and recognize your own patterns to allow you to live a healthier and more balanced life.

Matthew 6:34

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Chantal Wohnoutka, LGSW

Clinical trainee

Lighthousecounseling.com

chantalw@lighthousecounseling.com

Phone (855) 452- 2463

Direct 320-281-9892

Welcome, my name is Chantal. I received my Master’s in Social Work from Walden University and received my Bachelor’s in Social Work from Hoge school ZUYD University in the Netherlands.

I was born and raised in the Netherlands and have had the privilege of working with individuals from all backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, religions, abilities, and ages. I have extensive experience working with adolescents and adults on the Autism Spectrum, working in various settings. Experience with the elderly population and experience with various mental health disorders.

I like to work from a holistic approach. Supporting you where you are and helping you on your journey to become your best self. Due to my multilingual and multicultural background, I am aware of someone’s unique and individual experience. Helping you understand yourself, overcome obstacles, and process emotions to heal.

Pornography: A Silent Killer of Relationships, Mental Health, and Self-Worth

Sun, 05 Jan 2025 15:53:31 GMT

Pornography: A Silent Killer of Relationships, Mental Health, and Self-Worth & How To Work Through It

What’s the Harm in Watching Pornography?

Pornography is everywhere—on phones, computers, and even embedded in pop culture. For many, it’s considered no big deal. After all, if it’s so mainstream, how harmful could it really be? However, research paints a starkly different picture, uncovering the damaging effects pornography can have on individuals, relationships, and society as a whole.

How Pornography Affects the Brain

Scientific studies reveal that pornography rewires the brain, impacting how we think, feel, and behave. Watching pornography isn't a harmless pastime; it creates measurable changes in the brain’s reward system. Over time, this rewiring leads to:

Distorted views of sexuality: Pornography often portrays unrealistic and unhealthy depictions of intimacy, leading to warped expectations in real-life relationships.

Decreased commitment to romantic partners: Regular pornography use is linked to lower levels of satisfaction and commitment in relationships.

Escalation: Users often develop a need for increasingly extreme or graphic material to achieve the same level of satisfaction, fostering unhealthy dependencies.

Relationship dissatisfaction: Emotional and physical intimacy often suffers as one partner becomes consumed by pornography. This can leave the other partner feeling objectified, inadequate, or even betrayed.

Increased aggression: Pornography consumption has been associated with desensitization to violence and heightened aggressive tendencies in some individuals.

The Ripple Effect on Relationships

The impact of pornography extends beyond the user. Partners often feel threatened, unvalued, or objectified. These feelings can create a rift in relationships, leading to diminished trust, emotional distance, and even separation. Over time, pornography can become a wedge that drives people apart instead of bringing them closer together.

Breaking Free: The Path to Healing

Pornography isn’t just a bad habit; it can take root as a destructive way of life. Overcoming its grip requires more than sheer willpower. Real healing involves a profound lifestyle shift, including:

Reframing your vision for life: Shifting focus from instant gratification to meaningful, long-term goals.

Challenging negative beliefs: Addressing underlying feelings of inadequacy or shame that fuel the cycle of pornography use.

Making tangible changes: Removing access to pornography, setting boundaries, and building new, healthy habits.

Living in reality: Focusing on authentic relationships and experiences instead of escapism.

Seeking Help Is a Sign of Strength

Many individuals try to stop using pornography on their own, only to find themselves stuck in the same destructive patterns. The first step toward breaking free is acknowledging that help is needed. Counselors and support groups specializing in pornography and sex addiction can provide essential tools and guidance.

Healing is a journey, not a quick fix. With time, commitment, and the right support, it’s possible to reclaim your self-worth, rebuild your relationships, and live a life free from the chains of pornography.

Hope and Freedom Are Within Reach

If you’re ready to take the first step toward freedom, Lighthouse Counseling LTD is here to help. Through compassionate guidance and evidence-based strategies, we can support you in building a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Contact Lighthouse Counseling LTD today and begin your journey toward healing and freedom.

My name is Jake and I am an intern pursuing a Master’s degree in counseling from Crown College. For the past 8 years, I have been working in full-time pastoral ministry. I have learned a lot from my ministry experience and developed a heart for counseling. I have found joy in assisting couples as they pursue marriage as a premarital counselor, walking alongside men in recovery from sexual addiction, being present with families in the midst of loss and grief, providing coping and stress management skills, and navigating the adolescent worldview with teenagers. I tend to use a variety of therapeutic strategies and theories to cater to the client’s needs. Although, my top strength is the ability to provide a nonjudgmental and empathetic environment.

Understanding & Dealing With Holiday Stress

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 05:16:18 GMT

Understanding Holiday Stress & Learning How To Accept & Manage It

The holiday season, while often joyous, can also bring heightened stress and anxiety. Disruptions to daily routines, increased social interactions, and the pressure to meet various expectations can exacerbate these feelings. Recognizing and addressing these stressors is crucial for maintaining mental well-being during this time.

Understanding Holiday Stress

Several factors contribute to holiday-related stress:

Disrupted Routines: The flurry of holiday activities can upend regular schedules, leading to feelings of instability.

Social Obligations: Interacting with large groups or certain individuals can be overwhelming, especially for those with social anxiety.

Financial Pressures: Gift-giving and event planning can strain budgets, adding to stress levels.

Perfectionism: Striving for the "perfect" holiday can set unrealistic expectations, leading to disappointment and self-criticism.

Strategies for Managing Holiday Stress

To navigate the season with greater ease, consider implementing the following practices:

Acceptance of the Present Moment: Embrace the current situation without judgment. Recognizing that not everything will go as planned can alleviate undue pressure.

Time Management and Prioritization: Identify essential tasks and set realistic goals. Allocating time for both responsibilities and relaxation helps maintain balance.

Setting Boundaries: Communicate your limits regarding time, finances, and social engagements. Saying "no" when necessary is a vital aspect of self-care.

Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness techniques to stay grounded:

Breathing Exercises: Deep, intentional breathing can reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.

Gratitude Journaling: Regularly noting things you're thankful for can shift focus from stress to positivity.

Physical Activity: Incorporate activities like walking to boost mood and decrease stress hormones.

Seeking Professional Support: If stress becomes unmanageable, consider consulting a counselor or therapist to develop effective coping strategies.

Additional Resources

For more insights on managing holiday stress, the Mayo Clinic offers practical tips to help you enjoy the season more and avoid stress and depression.

MAYO CLINIC HEALTH SYSTEM

By proactively addressing potential stressors and implementing these strategies, you can cultivate a more serene and enjoyable holiday season. Contact Lighthouse Counseling LTD to learn more about managing holiday stresses.

The Importance of Mental Health: Nurturing Your Mind for a Better Life

Fri, 06 Dec 2024 19:44:42 GMT

Explore The Importance of Mental Health:

Nurturing Your Mind for a Better Life

The Importance of Mental Health: Nurturing Your Mind for a Better Life

Mental health is a crucial aspect of our overall well-being, affecting how we think, feel, and act. In recent years, there has been growing awareness about mental health, but challenges like stigma and limited access to care still persist. Prioritizing mental health is essential for leading a fulfilling life and managing stress, relationships, and daily activities effectively.

Mental Health vs. Mental Illness

Mental health refers to emotional, psychological, and social well-being, while mental illness includes conditions like depression and anxiety. Good mental health allows us to cope with life’s stresses, while mental illness requires treatment. Fostering positive mental health habits can benefit everyone, even if you don’t have a mental illness.

The Impact of Mental Health

Poor mental health can lead to difficulties in work, relationships, and personal satisfaction. Signs of mental health challenges include persistent sadness, difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal, and changes in sleep or appetite. Recognizing these signs early and seeking help can lead to better outcomes.

Tips for Supporting Your Mental Health

1. Practice Self-Care: Take time for activities that relax and recharge you.

2. Build Strong Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive people.

3. Stay Physically Healthy: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can improve mood.

4. Manage Stress: Practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques to reduce stress.

5. Seek Professional Help: Therapy or counseling can be vital for mental health treatment.

Society’s Role in Mental Health

Society must support mental health through accessible services, supportive workplaces, and education to reduce stigma. Creating environments where mental well-being is prioritized benefits everyone.

Conclusion

Mental health is essential for a fulfilling, productive life. By nurturing our mental well-being through self-care, seeking help when needed, and fostering supportive environments, we can improve both individual and collective mental health. You're not alone, and help is always available—taking care of your mind is just as important as taking care of your body.

How to navigate stressful family dynamics during the holidays! Especially after an election year!

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 12:39:13 GMT

How to navigate stressful family dynamics during the holidays! Especially after an election year!

Let’s face it the last election was very stress provoking for many people and as a therapist I meet a variety of people from all walks of life with differing backgrounds and belief systems. Differences can also show up in family dynamics where family members don’t always agree on certain topics, and this can be particularly stressful during the holiday season with family get togethers.

Political differences can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts that strain relationships. When discussions turn into arguments, it can feel as if the very foundation of a relationship is being tested. This is especially true in families where shared values have traditionally been a source of unity. The emotional toll of political stress can lead to resentment and alienation if not addressed properly. Some things to consider as we are gearing up for our holiday season.

R ecognize the emotional toll. It’s important to recognize how political discussions affect your emotions and those of others. Feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness may arise when discussing contentious issues. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward managing them effectively.

How do we navigate a situation where family members who have differing political views and bring them to the table over the holidays?

H ave a game plan

Start by having a realistic outlook and be prepared if topics become too stressful or heated.

C ommunicate

Talk with your family members in a way that shows respect and understanding even if you don’t agree with their viewpoints. Acknowledging someone else’s viewpoint doesn’t mean you have to accept it; instead, it shows honor for their right to think differently.

E stablish boundaries

Setting boundaries is a valuable skill when dealing with family members especially with differing viewpoints.

Before diving into politically charged conversations, set clear boundaries regarding what topics are off-limits or how discussions will be conducted. For example:

Agree to avoid personal attacks.
Decide on time limits for discussions.

By setting these boundaries, you create an environment that encourages open dialogue while minimizing conflict.

P ractice active listening

Active listening is crucial skill when discussing sensitive topics like politics. It involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying rather than formulating your response while they speak. This practice develops empathy and understanding. It also clarifies the other’s point of view.

F ind common ground

While it may seem challenging to find common ground amidst political differences, focusing on shared values can help strengthen relationships.

Take time to identify values that you share with your family members or friends. Discussing these shared values can shift the focus from divisive issues to collaboration.

D on’t forget humor !

Humor can be an effective tool for diffusing tension during politically charged conversations. A light-hearted joke about might ease some stress and remind everyone involved that they are still connected beyond their differing opinions.

If discussing politics becomes too intense or stressful, try steering the conversation toward lighter topics or past joyful memories.

P ractice gratitude

Allow yourself to appreciate the gift of family and friends. Share your appreciation for the connection of loved ones. Use the time as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Corri Jones, MA

Lighthouse Counseling LTD

Serving the Shakopee & Waconia Locations

corrij@lighthousecounseling.com

http://www.lighthousecounseling.com

Direct: 855-454-2463 / 320-434-1030

Welcome Jake Tastad to Our Shakopee Location!

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 04:04:54 GMT

Jake Tastad Is Now Booking Appointments

At Our Shakopee Location!

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD , we are excited to introduce our newest intern, Jake Tastad, who will be joining our Shakopee, MN location. Jake is currently pursuing his Master’s degree in counseling from Crown College, and his extensive experience in full-time pastoral ministry makes him a valuable addition to our team.

Meet Jake Tastad

With over eight years of pastoral ministry experience, Jake has developed a heart for counseling and a deep understanding of the emotional and mental health challenges that people face. He has had the privilege of helping couples prepare for marriage as a premarital counselor, supporting men in recovery from sexual addiction, and offering comfort to families dealing with grief and loss. His passion lies in walking with individuals through their unique journeys and offering practical coping and stress management strategies.

Jake’s approach is tailored to meet each client’s needs, using a range of therapeutic strategies and theories. His top priority is creating a nonjudgmental, empathetic environment where clients feel heard and supported.

Jake's Areas of Expertise

Unwanted Sexual Behaviors: Jake offers compassionate support to those seeking help in overcoming sexual addiction and other related behaviors.

Anxiety: Whether it's managing daily stress or overcoming persistent anxiety, Jake is dedicated to helping clients regain control of their lives.

Premarital Counseling: Couples preparing for marriage can benefit from Jake’s thoughtful and faith-based approach to establishing strong relational foundations.

Grief & Loss: Jake provides guidance and support to individuals and families navigating the difficult process of loss and grief.

Adolescents: Jake understands the complexities of adolescence and works closely with teenagers as they face stress, anxiety, and identity issues.

Stress Management: With practical strategies, Jake equips clients with tools to handle life’s stressors and challenges more effectively.

Life Transitions: From career changes to major personal shifts, Jake supports clients through the uncertainties and adjustments of life’s transitions.

A Message from Jake

"Hello! My name is Jake, and I am thrilled to be joining the Lighthouse Counseling team at the Shakopee location. My background in pastoral ministry has shaped my approach to counseling, and I am passionate about helping individuals and families navigate life’s challenges. I look forward to meeting you and walking alongside you on your journey toward healing and growth. Together, we can create a nonjudgmental space where you feel empowered and supported."

Schedule an Appointment with Jake Tastad

Jake is now accepting new clients at our Shakopee location. Whether you’re seeking help with anxiety, dealing with grief, or navigating a life transition, Jake is here to offer compassionate, expert care. We encourage you to schedule an appointment today and take the first step toward a brighter future.

Lighthouse Counseling LTD – Your Partner in Mental Wellness

offers comprehensive and compassionate counseling services. Our team of professionals is dedicated to supporting you through life’s challenges with empathy and care.

Welcoming Tomasina Uttecht to Our Waconia Location!

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 03:43:07 GMT

Tomasina Is Now Booking Appointments!

We are thrilled to announce the newest addition to our team at Lighthouse Counseling LTD’s Waconia, MN location—Tomasina Uttecht, an intern with a passion for helping children, families, and couples thrive in the face of life’s challenges.

Meet Tomasina Uttecht

Tomasina is currently pursuing her Master’s degree in counseling from Crown College, where she also completed her bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in human services. Her most recent work has focused on children’s behavioral health and special education, including autism, ADHD, and anxiety. Tomasina’s experience in this field has shaped her deep commitment to family and couples counseling, where she has seen firsthand how compassionate, tailored support can make a transformative difference.

A Message from Tomasina

"Hello! I’m Tomasina, and I’m excited to be joining the team at Lighthouse Counseling LTD. As an intern at the Waconia location, I feel privileged to serve my home community and contribute to the well-being of children, families, and couples. I am passionate about helping others discover who they were created to be and believe true wellness comes from embracing your authentic self. Life’s challenges can make that process difficult, but with the right support, anyone can overcome obstacles and find growth and healing."

Tomasina’s approach to counseling is both person-centered and relational, grounded in empathy, genuineness, and positive regard. At the same time, she employs a systematic and logical framework to help individuals and families navigate the emotional, psychological, and spiritual challenges they face. By building a safe, supportive environment, Tomasina works to empower her clients as they take steps toward emotional and mental well-being.

Areas of Expertise

Children’s Behavioral Health: Specializing in the unique challenges of children, including autism, ADHD, and anxiety.

Family Counseling: Helping families find unity and strength through life’s ups and downs.

Couples Counseling: Supporting couples as they work through interpersonal challenges and find ways to grow together.

Anxiety: Providing tools and techniques to manage and overcome anxiety.

Special Education: Working closely with children and families to navigate the behavioral and emotional challenges related to special education needs.

Tomasina’s Approach

Tomasina’s counseling style is rooted in a person-centered and relational approach. She believes that building a foundation of empathy, positive regard, and authenticity is essential to the therapeutic relationship. She also integrates a systematic, logical approach to guide clients through their challenges in a structured, practical way. This combination of empathy and structure provides clients with both emotional support and clear guidance on their journey to healing.

Schedule an Appointment with Tomasina

Tomasina is excited to begin her internship at our Waconia location, and she is now accepting new clients. If you or your family are facing challenges related to children’s behavioral health, anxiety, or relationship difficulties, Tomasina is here to offer her compassionate and expert support.

Lighthouse Counseling LTD – A Beacon of Hope and Healing

Located in Waconia, MN, we offer comprehensive counseling services to support children, families, and couples as they navigate life’s emotional and psychological challenges. Contact us today to schedule an appointment with Tomasina or any of our skilled counselors.

Welcoming Back Chantal Wohnoutka, LGSW, to Lighthouse Counseling in Shakopee, MN

Tue, 27 Aug 2024 14:20:58 GMT

Welcoming Back Chantal Wohnoutka, LGSW,

to Lighthouse Counseling in Shakopee, MN

We are thrilled to welcome back Chantal Wohnoutka, LGSW, to our Shakopee, MN location! Chantal brings a wealth of experience and a deep commitment to helping her clients thrive. Her unique background and holistic approach to therapy make her a standout member of our team at Lighthouse Counseling.

A Rich Cultural Background

Chantal’s journey began in the Netherlands, where she earned her Bachelor’s in Social Work from Hoge school ZUYD University. She continued her education by obtaining her Master’s in Social Work from Walden University. Her multicultural upbringing and multilingual abilities allow her to connect with clients from diverse backgrounds, understanding their unique experiences and challenges.

Extensive Experience with Autism and Mental Health

Chantal’s expertise spans across working with adolescents and adults on the Autism Spectrum, as well as supporting the elderly population and individuals facing various mental health disorders. Her experience in these areas makes her exceptionally skilled at providing the specialized care that these clients need.

A Holistic, Strengths-Based Approach

Chantal’s therapeutic style is rooted in a holistic approach, meeting clients where they are and guiding them on their journey to becoming their best selves. She integrates Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), strengths-based therapy, and solution-focused therapy in her practice, empowering clients to overcome obstacles, process emotions, and build self-esteem.

A Personal Connection to Healing

Outside of her professional work, Chantal enjoys spending quality time with her family, exploring new places, and staying connected with her roots in the Netherlands. Her personal interests and passions enrich her ability to relate to and support her clients on a deeper level.

Areas of Specialization

Chantal specializes in Autism, Depression, Anxiety, Social Skills, Life Transitions, Stress Management, Communication, and Self-Esteem Building. She is dedicated to helping her clients navigate life’s challenges and find their own strengths and paths to success.

We are excited to have Chantal back at our Shakopee location and look forward to the positive impact she will continue to have on our community. If you’re ready to start your journey toward healing and self-discovery, Chantal is here to support you every step of the way.

Welcoming Our New Intern: Heather Landwehr To Our Sauk Rapids & Willmar Offices

Fri, 28 Jun 2024 02:52:26 GMT

Welcoming Our New Intern: Heather Landwehr

We are thrilled to introduce our new intern, Heather Landwehr, to the Lighthouse Counseling LTD. team! Heather brings a wealth of knowledge, passion, and dedication to her role, and we are excited to see the positive impact she will make on our clients and community.

About Heather Landwehr

Hello! I am Heather Landwehr, currently pursuing a Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Capella University. My journey in the field of mental health began at St. Cloud State University, where I completed my undergraduate degree. It was there that I discovered my passion for working with Neuropsychological disorders.

Throughout my career, I have had the privilege of working with individuals from diverse age groups, ability levels, and experiences. This exposure has shaped my understanding and approach to therapy, particularly in areas such as dual diagnosis, serious persistent mental illness, and cognitive disorders.

My Approach and Interests

I am dedicated to supporting individuals through a Gestalt and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) approach as they navigate life's challenges. My extensive training has equipped me to offer personalized services that meet the unique needs of each client. I pride myself on creating a safe and nonjudgmental environment where clients feel encouraged to enhance their skills and explore their thoughts and emotions.

My interests include working with adults and children, focusing on ADHD, anxiety, depression, dual diagnosis, sleep issues, life adjustments, stress management, and severe persistent mental illnesses.

Looking Forward

I am excited to join the team at Lighthouse Counseling LTD. and look forward to meeting and supporting you on your healing journey. Together, we can navigate the challenges of life and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling future.

Welcome, Heather! We are delighted to have you with us and are confident that your expertise and compassionate approach will be a tremendous asset to our clients and our team.

Join Our Team at Lighthouse Counseling: A Place for Faith and Professional Growth

Thu, 02 May 2024 03:39:40 GMT

Join Our Team at Lighthouse Counseling:

A Place for Faith and Professional Growth

At Lighthouse Counseling, located in the heart of Waconia, MN, we are excited to announce that we are now accepting applications for counselors who are passionate about working within a faith-based environment. As a Christian counseling agency, we provide a unique workspace where you can be open about your faith and values, integrating them into your professional life while also growing your professional clinical skills.

Why Choose Lighthouse Counseling?

Focus on Families and Children: We are particularly looking for professionals skilled in working with families and children, reflecting our commitment to nurturing strong family bonds.

Supportive Environment: Our agency offers a supportive environment enriched with shared wisdom and prayer support from fellow therapists, making it a nurturing ground for both personal and professional growth.

Flexible and Accommodating Work Options: Recognizing the need for balance, we provide flexible work schedules and hybrid options to accommodate the varied needs of our staff.

Professional Development: With an established and trusted brand, Lighthouse Counseling offers a robust platform on which to build and advance your career. Our supportive services include scheduling, marketing, and professional office spaces.

Faith-Based Culture: Work in an atmosphere where faith is not just respected but is a cornerstone of our practice. This unique aspect of our agency allows for a truly holistic approach to counseling.

We are eager to welcome counselors who are looking for a career that not only lasts but also fulfills the calling to serve others in a faith-aligned setting. If you are committed to making a difference and cherish the integration of faith into your professional life, we would love to hear from you.

Apply Today and Begin a Fulfilling Career at Lighthouse Counseling!

The Consequences of Loneliness: Impact on Relationships and Mental Health

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 02:19:32 GMT

The Consequences of Loneliness & What You Can Do About It

Loneliness is a universal human experience, and its effects on our relationships and mental health cannot be underestimated. At Lighthouse Counseling LTD , we understand the significance of addressing loneliness and its consequences. In this blog post, we will delve into the causes of loneliness, the symptoms to watch for, and what you can do to combat it.

I was once told that Loneliness is terror pushed from abandonment that causes insecurities. Loneliness is responsible for the erosion of relationships and the deterioration of mental health. In over 30 years of providing counseling services it is my professional opinion that loneliness is one of the major causes of an individual’s mental health decline and what often brings people into counseling. This opinion has been validated tremendously since COVID as we find Mental health clinics developing waiting lists for people who need treatment due experiencing increased symptoms of depression and anxiety caused by isolation that can also contribute to substance abuse.

Even today with most restrictions being lifted, people are recognizing their isolation and struggles with anxiety, depression and relationship conflict.

Loneliness can manifest in several ways. Common symptoms include:

Emotional Distress: Feelings of sadness, emptiness, or anxiety.

Physical Symptoms: Insomnia, headaches, or changes in appetite.

Reduced Social Engagement: Withdrawal from social activities and friends.

Negative Self-Perception: Low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy.

Loneliness is a common human experience, but it can have a significant impact on our relationships and mental health. When we feel lonely, we may feel isolated, disconnected from others, and misunderstood. This can lead to a number of negative consequences, including:

Increased risk of mental health problems: Loneliness has been linked to a number of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse.

Relationship problems: Loneliness can make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships. When we feel lonely, we may become more withdrawn and less likely to connect with others. This can lead to conflict and misunderstandings in our relationships.

Physical health problems: Loneliness has also been linked to a number of physical health problems, including heart disease, stroke, and dementia.

One must remember that loneliness is not the same as aloneness. A person can be alone but not lonely or around a lot of people but struggle with deep loneliness. . Some of the loneliest people describe having family, friends and even being married.

As I counsel couples every day, it is often said that I would rather be by myself than lonely in this relationship.

So why are people so lonely? This isn’t a new phenomenon, just as the Beatles sang: All the lonely people, where do they all come from.

Some critics blame technology. Children and families isolate themselves on their phones. Kids are busy with activities but have no time to build and enjoy close friendships. Families are busy going from activity to activity with no time to develop deeper, meaningful relationships. I remember hiking with my friends and we would lie on the ground in a field and find figures in the clouds. We attempted to escape boredom by being creative. We talked about life, friends, dreams and goals. We hung out and actually looked at each other when we talked.

So how do we fight this epidemic of loneliness? Loneliness is not only a family issue but a cultural issue.

1) Reduce online time.

2) Put your phones in a basket when you walk in the house

3) Have Staff meetings with your spouse. Talk about your goals, dreams,

concerns etc. Remember that your marriage comes first. Children succeed by seeing a strong marriage not getting to do or have everything they want.

4) Have family meetings with your children to discuss their day, how their doing, their goals, obstacles, thoughts and feelings

5) Develop relational habits, your phone has been addicting. You may even feel anxiety when you put it down.

6) Talk to someone you trust. Talking to a friend, family member, therapist, or other trusted person can help you to feel less alone and to develop coping mechanisms.

7) Get involved in your community. Volunteering, joining a club or group, or taking a class are all great ways to meet new people and make friends.

8) Spend time with loved ones. Make an effort to spend time with the people you care about. This can help you to feel more connected and supported.

9) Take care of yourself. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. Taking care of your physical and mental health can help you to feel better overall and make it easier to connect with others.

10) Seek professional help and have someone assist you with stress management, anxiety reduction, communication, conflict resolution and improved closeness and intimacy. Remember you do not need to be alone in your struggle with loneliness. Reach out to us at Lighthouse Counseling LTD, and together, we can navigate this journey towards improved mental health and stronger relationships.

By: Larry R. Bengtson LPCC

Founder of Lighthouse Counseling, Ltd.

Relaxation Techniques to Reduce Anxiety

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 01:52:23 GMT

Effective Relaxation Techniques to Reduce Anxiety

Relaxation techniques are a great way to manage stress and anxiety. They involve refocusing your attention on something calming. At the same time, you increase awareness of your body and your breathing.

Practicing relaxation techniques can enable you to become aware of what muscle tension and other physical sensations of stress feel like. Then you can recognize the cues and stop anxiety from spiraling out of control by engaging in one of them.

Like exercise, relaxation techniques for anxiety are skills that need to be practiced regularly in order to see significant results. Be patient with yourself. If one technique does not seem to work, try another one until you find the one that is most effective for you.

Corri Jones at Lighthouse Counseling can teach you how some simple relaxation techniques provided by for anxiety that you can start with to help reduce muscle tension and soothe your mind.

Visualization relaxation techniques

Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a calm, peaceful place like a beautiful garden, a wooded area, a boat out on the lake, a tropical beach, or any other favorite spot where you feel safe and relaxed. Give this place a name such as “ocean” “garden” “lake.”
Take deep, slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth, while visualizing the location in your mind’s eye in as much detail as possible.
Feel your anxiety slowly drifting away as you engage your senses during this visit to your happy place.
See the sun setting, for example, hear the birds chirping; smell the flowers; feel the gentle breeze blowing through your hair, or the sand under your feet; and taste the salty sea air.
Remain in this scene for five to ten minutes, breathing slowly and deeply, and feeling your muscles relax.
Do this 5-10 minutes a day for 30 days and then when you are feeling anxious call up the scene you envisioned.

Five senses mindfulness technique.

Engage your five senses to ground you by bringing your attention back to the present. Look around the room and name.

Five things around you that you can see.
Four things around you that you can feel.
Three things around you that you can hear.
Two things around you that you can smell.
One thing that you can taste.

Repetitive prayer

When feeling anxious, sliently repeat a short prayer or Scripture verse while slowly breathing in and out.

Mindfulness Meditation: A Tool for Winter Well-being

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 03:42:34 GMT

Enhance Your Well-Being With Mindfulness Meditation

Lighthouse Counseling LTD, Minnesota

As the winter months stretch on in Minnesota, bringing with them shorter days and colder temperatures, many of us find ourselves grappling with increased stress and anxiety. This is a natural response to the seasonal change, but it's vital to find effective ways to manage these feelings. At Lighthouse Counseling LTD , we advocate for mindfulness meditation as a powerful tool to enhance your well-being during these frosty months.

Understanding Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness meditation is a practice that involves paying full attention to the present moment with an attitude of openness, curiosity, and non-judgment. This technique, which has its roots in ancient Buddhist traditions, has been embraced globally for its profound benefits on mental and emotional health.

Why Mindfulness Meditation in Winter?

Combating Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Winter in Minnesota can often trigger or worsen symptoms of SAD, a type of depression related to changes in seasons. Mindfulness meditation helps by anchoring your thoughts in the present, reducing the impact of SAD's symptoms.
Stress Reduction: The stillness and introspection of mindfulness meditation activate the body's relaxation response, counteracting stress and fostering a sense of peace and calm.
Enhanced Immune Function: Regular meditation practice is linked to improved immune function, which is particularly beneficial during winter when colds and flu are more prevalent.
Better Sleep Quality: The calming effect of mindfulness meditation can lead to improved sleep patterns, a common challenge during the long, dark winter nights.

How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Find a Quiet Space: Choose a peaceful spot where you won't be disturbed. This could be a corner of your home or even a quiet outdoor location if the weather permits.
Set a Time Limit: Especially for beginners, starting with short periods, like 5-10 minutes, can be helpful.
Focus on Your Breath: Pay attention to the sensation of your breath as it enters and leaves your body. This focus becomes an anchor, bringing your mind back when it wanders.
Notice Your Thoughts: Observe your thoughts without judgment. When you notice your mind wandering, gently redirect your focus back to your breath.
Practice Regularly: Consistency is key. Try to incorporate mindfulness meditation into your daily routine.

Mindfulness Resources at Lighthouse Counseling LTD

At Lighthouse Counseling LTD, we're committed to guiding you through your mindfulness journey. We offer:

Mindfulness Workshops: Join our interactive sessions to learn and practice mindfulness techniques.
One-on-One Counseling: Our therapists can work with you to develop a personalized mindfulness practice.
Online Resources: Access guided meditations and educational materials on our website.

Embrace the Winter with Mindfulness

Winter can be a challenging time, but it also offers a unique opportunity for introspection and growth. Mindfulness meditation is not just a tool to combat stress and anxiety; it's a pathway to deeper self-awareness and inner peace. We invite you to explore this practice and discover its transformative power.

Let's navigate this winter together with mindfulness and grace. For more information or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Lighthouse Counseling LTD , Minnesota.

Stress! Go away!

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 16:33:56 GMT

Stress! Go away!

We all experience stress in our lives. How do we cope with it, and can we change this, or how can we change this?

Stress can come in many different forms and can affect us all differently. It can affect our mind, body, and soul. In our lives, we have many roles to fulfill like the role of being a partner, friend, co-worker, child, brother, sister, mother, father, etc. We try to be the best version of ourselves and would oftentimes like to give 100% to what we do and in our daily roles and tasks. This can cause stress in our daily lives.

Things we can do to cope with our daily tasks are;

Balance tasks
Plan what tasks you need to accomplish and tackle those tasks first. Plan other tasks that are not a priority later. That way “as life tends to do”, something else comes up and you do not have time for that task. It is okay.
Ask for help
It is okay to ask for help. You will get the task done faster and it can also be more fun to complete a task with someone else.
Exercise
Exercise can free chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that make you feel good and happier. It can clear your mind and can give you more energy. It can help to distract from negative thinking.
Eat Healthy
This can provide you with more energy and can boost your mood. Studies suggest that a diet high in refined sugars can worsen symptoms of a mood disorder such as depression (MD, 2022). Eating healthy can help with your mental health symptoms.
Get enough sleep
Sleep helps us recharge our mind and body for the following day. Not enough sleep can affect our mood. Recommended is to sleep 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night (Stress and sleep N.D.). This will provide us with enough energy for the following day, boost our mood, and clear our minds.
Meditate, practice deep breathing
Meditation and deep breathing can relax your body and mind. Meditation has emotional and physical benefits that can release everyday stressors (A beginner’s guide to meditation 2022).
Schedule daily me-time
It is important to take good care of our mind, body, and soul. If we take care of ourselves, then we can take care of others. We will feel more relaxed once we do. Schedule something during your day that is only for you. What gives you energy and makes you feel good.

Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Self-Love

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:40:10 GMT

When first learning the concept of loving myself many years ago and hearing that it would benefit my physical, mental, and spiritual health I didn’t understand how this would work. I thought, how is this possible, where and in what way would I begin? I admit this was not my way of thinking or living. After considering this, and learning more about how to make this a part of my life, I began to put it into practice and it was worth it. My perspective and outlook changed.

First, I learned there are two self-loves. There is the selfish kind which uses and takes from others without any consideration that has been done to others. Then there is the self-agape love. Having self-agape love is healthy and good. As we reflect on who we are and at our identity we begin to appreciate the gift our creator has given. It is respecting yourself, accepting yourself, even your flaws, and embracing your strengths. Being okay with who you are and practicing this self-love will help to ground, encourage and motivate you.

Some steps to begin with learning how to loving yourself:

Be kind to, trust in, respect yourself, and don’t compare yourself to others,

Improving self-love also helps to improve mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

It helps with building confidence

Loving yourself, you realize you are good and acceptable the way you are.

It allows you to be more lenient with yourself

Practicing self-love allows you to forgive yourself of mistakes or wrongs done and helps you move forward from the past.

It helps give more of a positive perspective

Being okay with who you are, loving yourself, you are motivated to be and live more positively.

It helps with providing more of an understanding of others

Making self-love a part of your lifestyle helps you to accept people for who they are and not to judge them.

It helps with setting boundaries

Having self-love you respect the person you are, setting boundaries and not letting others take advantage of you in any way.

It helps with mindfulness

Loving yourself helps you to be more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and helps give you more of an understanding of yourself.

It improves your outlook on life

Being okay with yourself, loving yourself changes your outlook on life. This brings more of a contentment within you and you are more apt to reach out to assist others when in need.

Benefits of Couples Therapy

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 15:49:44 GMT

Couples therapy can be beneficial in helping couples work through their problems and improve their relationship.

Here are some major benefits of couple’s therapy:

Gain a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics.

A major benefit to couples counseling is that the couple begins to understand the dynamics

between the couple and what could be causing some of their conflict? Teaching couples to

notice their patterns of interaction and ways in which they may be able to resolve some of their

difficulties.

Creating an impartial sounding board

By creating a safe and neutral space for couples to communicate issues and a having a third

person in the room that the couple can trust has proven to be helpful for the couple in viewing

their relationship from a different lens. The couple’s therapist will become the neutral party

that can work as a mediator to assist the couple by facilitating productive conversations to help

the couple feel heard and understood.

Develop new skills

One of couple’s therapy’s main goals it assists the couple in gaining insight and provide new

skills and strategies for dealing with conflict. Communication is key in relationships and

learning tools to communicate more effectively in marriage can help break through some

unhealthy habits. Sometimes couples lack skills due to what we were modeled growing up in

our families of origin, or maybe we developed some bad habits from past relationships.

Whether it’s learning how to communicate more effectively, practicing active listening, or

finding ways to compromise, couples therapy can provide these tools to navigate during

challenging times into a more positive way to interact.

Rebuilding trust

Sometimes relationships have gone through a tough time where the trust has been broken in the marriage. Couples therapy can help the couple explore how it was broken and create a space for forgiveness and understanding. Rebuilding trust can be difficult, but not impossible. With the right tools, couples can begin to form a solid foundation to rebuild their relationship.

Strengthening bonds

Couples therapy can be a powerful way for a couple to strengthen their bond and deepen their

intimacy. Many times, we lose sight of why we choose our partner, and it’s normal for relationships to change over time and through couple’s therapy the hope is regain an understanding of the other person’s thoughts wishes and desires.

Is Couples Therapy Effective?

Couples therapy can be very effective. Statistics show that between 70% and 97% of couples have

benefited from couples therapy and largely on the willingness of the couples to do the work in the

relationship. By working together as a team when problems arise, couples work towards building a

deeper understanding and appreciation for one another. Couples can also learn new ways to

connect emotionally and physically, which can help rekindle feelings of love and passion that may have been lost over time.

Therapy Is For Everyone

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 15:44:41 GMT

Hello, welcome back! I’m so excited you are here with me today. In my last post, we approached therapy from a lens of not knowing what to say and addressed starting points for helping in the therapeutic process. In this next segment, I will continue with pointers around when you don’t know what to say in a therapy session and discuss how therapy is for everyone.

Let’s get started by talking about new life challenges. People who seek therapy; typically have something they want to address. Sometimes these situations are not resulting because of a problem. However, they have unidentified feelings or emotions that need attention. When new experiences occur in life such as childbirth, marriage, relocation, or divorce, this can create uncertainty or bring up new areas that need help understanding. Sometimes people can’t articulate the feelings going on inside; however, they can recognize that something is different.

Next, let’s talk about your thought life. Do you ever avoid troublesome thoughts and conflicts that occur inside your head? For example, this could be something you are ashamed of, something you think is silly to worry about, something you think is insignificant, or stupid. Thoughts like these happen to us all. What better place than therapy to bring up these thoughts and feelings? So many people think it’s not okay to have feelings or think a certain way. Let’s explore it in therapy together. It’s okay to think and feel.

In my time as a therapist, the question “What would you least like to talk about today” has been helpful. It gives me information about where the trouble is. Many times uncomfortable, painful, or difficult topics are avoided. In these cases, they tend to fester and get worse. Consider therapy a safe place; to talk about things you most want to avoid.

Next, let’s talk about difficulties around opening up. Do you struggle with letting people in? If you have concerns about this area and don’t know the answers, bring it up to your therapist, there might be something to explore, such as attachment. Even if the topic is not addressed right at the moment because of discomfort, it is valuable to understand the barriers keeping you from opening up about a particular matter. Therapy is a safe place, and as a clinician, I desire to create a safe and non-judgmental space for you to be your true authentic self.

Next, let’s explore discomforts with therapy. As stated in my previous article, opening up to a stranger can be difficult and scary. It takes time to build trust. If you have trouble trusting your therapist, don’t be afraid to bring that up. Having these discussions help build foundations of trust which help you to open up more. I attempt to meet my clients where they are to build rapport. This helps cultivate a safe and secure environment in the process of being vulnerable enough to open up.

Finally, thank you for taking the time to explore these challenging topics. We covered lots of ground on life challenges, thought patterns, difficulties opening up, and discomforts with therapy. In closing, I would like to challenge you to make a difference in your life today by calling to get set up with a therapist. Remember we all have 24 hours in a day, and within that 24-hours, we choose what we do with that time. I would be happy to assist you in finding the right fit for a mental health practitioner.

5 simple and effective ways to increase dopamine, your feel good hormone

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 15:52:41 GMT

Dopamine is a hormone that plays a big role in our emotional health. It is involved with attention, regulation of movement, and reward. When dopamine is released in larger levels it creates feelings of reward and happiness that often motivate us to repeat the specific behavior that led to dopamine release.

When we have low dopamine levels however, we tend to lack the feelings of joy and happiness in events and activities that most enjoy. Our dopamine levels are controlled in our nervous system and there are some things you can do to help boost them.

Eat a lot of protein . We need protein to help our body create amino acids, which in turn create dopamine. Eating a diet rich in lean proteins such as chicken, pork and fish can help us regulate our dopamine levels.
Exercise regularly. Regular exercise increases our endorphins and improves mood. In as little as 10 minutes we can see improvement in mood, but even more affects are found after 20 mins. So, there are many reasons finding a way to get in a 20 min walk daily is good for your body, mind and spirit. Your daily walk improves the levels of dopamine in your body, improves physical health and can easily be incorporated as part of your daily prayer or meditation time.
Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that a lack of sleep disrupts our bodies natural release of dopamine in the morning. Improve sleep patterns and getting high quality sleep can help your body release and build dopamine and optimum levels, allowing you to be more alert and positive throughout your day.
Listen to Music. I often encourage clients to create a “happy playlist” and use this when feeling down or going for that daily walk. Studies show that music increases activity in the pleasure areas of the brain.
Prayer or Mediation . People who participate in as little as 3 minutes a day of prayer or mediation are shown in studies to have increased dopamine levels. Spending consistent time in prayer/mediation takes practice, but the benefits can be long lasting. Set a timer and practice for just 30 seconds and build from there. One way to stay focused in prayer is to write out your prayer. This kinetic movement of the hand can help our brain stay focused.

Self-Destructive Behaviors

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 15:56:29 GMT

Sometimes in life, we can be our own worst enemies. It is ironic but true. Reflect on a time when you had a goal that did not come to fruition. How did you view that result? Did you view inward and cast blame on your abilities, actions, or mistakes? Or did you view your failure(s) as originating from other people’s actions or unfavorable environmental factors? In short, how did you view your locus of control?

At some time in life, we all have a vision of how life should be, the best version of ourselves. This optimistic vision inspires us and pushes us past our comfort zone. It enables us to endure pain, hardships, and the possibility of failure. It provides us with a “blueprint” that contains certain constructive behaviors and actions that increase the probability of success. Over time, these sacrifices build confidence and resolve.

But what happens if some of the things we do set us back? It is possible that some of the behaviors you partake in are the same actions that are holding you back. Identifying these negative behaviors and reducing or removing them from your daily life is essential. These unproductive behaviors make life more difficult and prolong the process toward success. In the clinical realm, we classify these negative behaviors as “self-destructive behaviors.”

Self-destructive behaviors are commonly conscious acts that can cause emotional and physical harm to our loved ones and us. Some examples of self-destructive behaviors include chronic procrastination, lack of follow-through, binge eating, substance abuse, unwise impulsive acts, and normalized lack of sleep. On the surface, these behaviors seem minor and unworthy of concern. However, prolonged application of these acts can lead to unhealthy routines and lifestyles.

Establishing a healthy routine is vital to becoming your best version. As a result, removing or reducing self-destructive behaviors can be achieved through self-reflection and proper application. The first step is to identify the acts that are holding you back. Next, develop a “plan of action.” Finally, apply the necessary changes to your daily life and intend to follow through. Growth and success in life can be challenging. Why be in the way of yourself?

My name is J. Ervin Miller. I am a psychotherapist with Lighthouse Counseling and serve the Hutchinson , Willmar , and Waconia areas. If you find yourself suffering from self-destructive behaviors that you are willing to remedy, I would love to join you on that journey. ‘

You can contact me or schedule an appointment with our staff at (855) 454-2463 .

How To Keep Love Going Strong

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 16:08:00 GMT

Relationships are hard at times. Why do some lifelong relationships stay strong, and others fade away and how can you prevent a marriage from going bad or surviving the rocky times?

World renown psychologists John and Julie Gottman have done research on couples over the years and their research predicted whether a couple would stay together or end their marriage. They discovered some key factors in happy couples and devised seven principles to prevent a marriage from breaking up. The principles are as follows:

1. Enhance your Love Map. Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. They have a detailed love map- they know the major events in each other’s history, and they know each other’s goals, worries, hopes and dreams.

2. Foster nurture fondness and admiration. These are two crucial elements in long-lasting romance.

3. Turn towards each other. In marriage people periodically make “bids” for their partner’s attention, affection, humor, or support. This is the basis for emotional connection, romance, and intimacy.

4. Let your partner influence you. Allowing the partner to share power in the relationship starting with having respect for the other partner’s opinion.

5. Solve your solvable problems. Here are a few tips.

Step 1. Use a soft startup: complain but don’t criticize or attack your partner. State feelings without blame and express a need. Make sates with “I” instead of “you.”

Step 2. Learn and make repair attempts. Deescalate the tension and pull out the negativity by taking a break, sharing what you are feeling, apologizing, or expressing appreciation.

Step 3. Soothe yourself and each other. Conflict discussions can be “flooding.” Take a break to soothe and distract yourself.

Step 4. Compromise. Decide together on a solvable problem to tackle. Draw two circles separately – a smaller inside a larger one. In the inner circle list aspects of the problem, you can’t negotiate. In the outer circle, list the aspects that you can compromise on. Try to make the outer circle as large as possible and inner circle as small as possible. Then compare and look for common basis for agreement.

6. Overcome Gridlock. Many perpetual conflicts are gridlocked behind each person’s stubborn position. In happy marriages, partners incorporate each other’s goals in their concept of what a marriage is about. Getting past gridlock is not necessarily giving in to the other’s position but honoring part of the other person’s concepts and meaning of what their hopes and dreams are.

Create Shared Meaning. Marriage can have an intentional sense of shared purples, meaning, family values and cultural legacy that forms its own microcultures with rituals and customs (such as Sunday dinner or celebrations). The culture incorporates both dreams and is flexible enough to change so that the couple can grow and develop in their relationship. When relationship has this sense of meaning, conflict is less intense, and problems are less likely to lead to gridlock.

Sleeping Better – Part 2

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 16:00:11 GMT

Welcome to the second of many entries all about how you can sleep better and feel more rested! Last time, we discussed sleep efficiency, sleep latency, and sleep opportunity. This entry will dive into something many people know about and likely take because they feel like it helps them sleep. This common supplement is called melatonin and I will discuss exactly how melatonin works, some misconceptions, and who benefits from it the most! Let’s start with what melatonin is.

Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone in our body that regulates the timing of your sleep. Take careful note that it helps with the timing and not the generation of sleep. Melatonin is often called the hormone of darkness because what triggers its production is a lack of light, but it has nothing to do with sleep beyond that. Many people will take melatonin and feel like they sleep better and go to sleep faster but this is largely a placebo effect, according to UC Berkley sleep scientist Dr. Matthew Walker. Dr. Walker wrote a book called Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams and I highly recommend it to anyone who is either interested in sleep or is looking for information to sleep better!

Another issue that we run into when it comes to melatonin is its lack of regulation from the FDA. Why is this important? Are you going to die if you take too much melatonin? It’s important because the amount of melatonin varies from pill to pill. The bottle at your local Target may say 5mg but because it isn’t regulated, that actual amount varies from 40%-400%. This has a wide range of effects and makes it a finicky supplement. Long-term usage of melatonin will cause your pineal gland to stop making melatonin altogether, which will make sleeping even more difficult because now you’re reliant on outside sources for your melatonin. On average, the amount of extra sleep you obtain is a little over 3 minutes. This is an insignificant amount of sleep and not worth taking the supplement for.

“But Kevin, you don’t understand! I have kids and when I give them melatonin, they are out like a light!” While I don’t have kids of my own, I understand the much needed peace that comes when they’re in bed but if your kids are having difficulty sleeping, melatonin will not be a long-term solution. It will function more as a band-aid, and it will make them dependent on the supplement to sleep. There are better ways!

At the start of this, I stated there are people who benefit from melatonin beyond a placebo effect. There are 3 groups of people that fall in that category: shift workers, the elderly, and those experiencing jetlag. The reason these groups of people benefit from melatonin revolves around the SCN (superchiasmatic nucleus), which functions as your body’s internal clock, and each of these groups have circumstances that inhibit the SCN’s normal function. The SCN is highly influenced by light so shift worker’s experience decreased quality of sleep because they’re sleeping against their natural circadian rhythm, dictated by the SCN. Those who are jetlagged have bodies that think they’re in a different time zone so it can be difficult to fall asleep when needed. Lastly, as we age, our brains begin to deteriorate in many areas. For the elderly, we know that their sleep can be shallow, short, and inconsistent. What do all of these three groups have in common? Sleep timing is an issue! Since melatonin helps with the timing of sleep, it should make sense why these groups of people should be taking it to help with their sleep.

Fun fact for your next party: Beta amyloid is a sticky, toxic amino acid that builds in all of our brains. When we go to sleep, it is mostly washed away by the glymphatic system in our brains. When we don’t sleep as much as we need to for many years, beta amyloid stays in our brain. This amino acid is linked to dementia and Alzheimer’s!

Negative Thoughts Trigger Negative Feelings

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 16:12:49 GMT

We used to believe that it was depression or anxiety that made people think negatively, but psychologists and psychiatrists have discovered that most people struggle with anxious or depressed first had negative, pessimistic, distorted thoughts that produced those feelings.

Learning how to recognize these distorted thoughts can be helpful in growth in change in one’s overall mental health and functioning.

We all have cognitive distortions from time-to-time, and it is important to recognize when we are having these distortions and realize that “hey, I’m doing that thing again, and maybe I need to change that thought pattern!” Understanding ourselves better is the key to growth in therapy.

Several cognitive distortions are as follows:

Thinking in black and white – no grey areas to consider.

Mind reading – thinking someone is thinking a certain thing when they probably are not.

Catastrophizing – thinking the worst outcome is going to happen.

Exaggerating – making self-critical or critical statements like never, nothing, everything or always.

Filtering – ignoring the positive things that occur and focusing on and accentuating the negative.

Discounting – rejecting positive experiences as not being important of meaningful.

Judging – being critical of self and others with an emphasis on “should have, “”ought to”, “must” and “should not.”

Feelings are facts – because you feel a certain way, reality is as fitting that feeling.

Labeling – Calling self or others a bad name when displeased with a behavior.

Self-blaming – Holding oneself responsible for outcome that wasn’t completely under one’s control or fault.

A good tool for when you are having one of these cognitive distortions is to pause and reflect for a few minutes and ask yourself, “is that really a true or am I having a cognitive distortion?” Second, to reframe that thought with a positive one.

When You Don’t Know What To Say

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 16:18:35 GMT

Hi, my name is Autumn Mattson, and I wanted to share with you that no matter what you are walking through, you are not alone. Have you ever wanted to talk with someone about the things taking place inside your head? Yet, hesitant because you are afraid of judgment? If so, I can relate. It’s scary to step out and tell your story. It’s scary to put your trust in the hands of a stranger. However, I want you to know that when you are ready, I am right here, waiting to walk this journey with you.

When you don’t know what to say in therapy or feel like your problems are not significant enough for help. Ask yourself why I am believing this. Would I tell someone else I care about to reach out for help and that their thoughts and struggles are important enough to seek help. There are many barriers that keep people from reaching out and sharing their story such as: fear, shame and guilt. Just in case you are struggling and feel stuck with no place to go, here are some pointers for conversational pieces to building a relationship with your therapist. Hopefully, these will encourage you to seek the counsel you desire. Have faith and step out as it says in 2 Corinthians 5:7: for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Minor Problems: You may think that therapy is only designed to address issues that are big, deep, or scary. You may feel or believe your problems are minor compared to others. However, remember you matter as well. There is no correct topic to discuss in therapy. You can talk about whatever you want.

Are you having a hard time opening up? A small tip to remember nothing is off limits. You are free to confidently share whatever you need to discuss in thearpy. Here are some examples of topics that people talk about in therapy: hopes, dreams, fears, disappointments, hurts, shames, conversations with family members and friends, failures as a parent, sexuality, or their most recent date.

Not sure where to start the session? Begin by recapping what happened since you last saw your therapist, the good the bad, and from there you will see what you want to explore further, identify obstacles and set goals to overcome those hurdles in your life.

Patterns and Behaviors: An exercise that clients complete; quite frequently in my office consists of keeping track of thoughts, patterns, and behaviors. Keeping a notebook handy is beneficial in accomplishing this task. Also, jotting down these ideas makes for good conversational talking points in therapy.

Feelings: Honestly, what you most likely will find out from attending therapy, is that you are going to change on a day-to-day basis. It is okay to plan on discussing issues at work and then later find yourself discussing the dispute you had with your partner. It’s okay to stay in the present moment and work on what is coming up at that moment. It’s okay to think of therapy as a way of getting whatever you most need that day. A friend of mine refers to it as the room of requirement from Harry Potter.

Rumination : Depression and anxiety can cause rumination. Have you ever had a hard time stopping your thoughts? I know that I have! Come on into the office; we can work together to help you get control over those pesky thoughts. We can discuss thought-stopping techniques and many other interventions to help with the rumination.

Relationships: Relationships are important in your mental health and play an important role in affecting your mood and feelings. In therapy, talking about good and bad relationships can be beneficial. Exploring the positive aspects in relationships can help you integrate those skills needed to improve poor relationships. If you are struggling; in an area with relationships with friends, family, or colleagues, bring it into the office and let’s explore it together.

Traumas: According to Bessel Van Der Kolk, ” emotions are like little balls of energy,” if unaddressed, sickness and disease may occur. Let’s explore your past together. Therapy is a safe place to disclose your deepest and darkest memories. We may also discuss happy memories. If you spend all your time discussing your present and future moments, let’s take a trip down memory lane. I often use timelines in sessions to help clients navigate life events. There is healing in telling your story!

Okay, wow, that’s a lot of information! What to remember, no one has therapy all figured out. It might take you some time to really get into the swing of it. With time you should start to feel yourself becoming more comfortable and opening up more. If not, consider whether you might want to work with a different therapist. If you enjoyed this blog, be on the lookout for the next one with more conversation points covering: new life challenges, avoiding thoughts and conflicts, trouble-opening up, discomforts with therapy, whether therapy is working, and when to end therapy.

Until next time, Autumn

Be Transformed through the Renewing of your Mind: Training Your Brain

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 17:25:13 GMT

Be Transformed through the Renewing of your Mind: Training Your Brain

Romans 12:2 states, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” (NIV). What does this mean, to be transformed by the renewing of your mind? This means to transform your brain to think the way that God intended it to. That sounds great right? But how do we even begin to do something like that? Renewing or rewiring your brain starts with replacing old and unhealthy patterns of thinking with new, true and healthy patterns of thinking.

Cognitive Behavioral approaches work in a similar way with a goal of changing the patterns of thinking in an individual which will in turn change the behavior. Our thoughts effect what we believe which effects how we act. You can picture a triangle with thoughts, beliefs, and actions each at its own corner, all connected and all affecting one another. Basically, what this means is that the things that we think about will start to shape our beliefs about ourselves and about the world around us. This will then alter the way in which we act in response to different things in our lives. For example, if I start thinking that I am a lazy person and I tell myself that enough, I will then start to believe that about myself. Once I believe that I am a lazy person, I will lose motivation and stop applying myself to different tasks and I will start to become lazy. This in turn makes me think that I am lazy, and I end up getting stuck in this destructive cycle. So how then do I then ‘renew my mind’ and train my brain to think in a healthier pattern? In keeping with the lazy example, I would need to start by changing my thinking. I could start telling myself, “I am capable of getting things done”. I will tell myself this every day until I start to believe that I can get things done, even if I am tired. Once I believe that I am capable, I will start actually doing things and the lie that I was telling myself that I am a lazy person starts to diminish because I have proven to myself that I am not.

Changing thought patterns is not always an easy thing to do. It can take a lot of practice and training. However, just like how an athlete trains to get better at their sport, we can train our brains to make a little bit of progress day by day, and the more training we do, the stronger we get and the more natural it becomes.

Here are some practical ways that you can begin to change your thought patterns and renew your mind:

Identify the negative thought patterns in your life that you would like to change.
Brainstorm some new patterns of thinking that you would like to incorporate into your life.
Make a list of your strengths and your favorite qualities about yourself.
Make a list of things that you enjoy doing and thinking about.

Doing some of things is a great start in identifying what negative thought patterns are currently running through your mind, developing some goals that are reachable for how you would like your thought patterns to be, and identifying ways in which you as an individual have the strengths that are needed to reach those goals. An easy way to start training is by thinking about things that you enjoy. Philippians 4:8 states, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.” This is such great advice for beginning to be transformed through the renewing of your mind. Thinking on things that are positive will start to shape your beliefs and actions to be more positive as well.

Remember, it is never too late to start training your brain, God created our brains to be adaptable and transformable, constantly learning and growing.

Sleeping Better

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 17:21:15 GMT

Welcome to the first installment of Sleeping Better! Through this series of blog posts, we are going to discuss a multitude of things that have to do with sleep. We’ll discuss naps, sleep cycles, sleep hygiene, CBT-I, sleep trackers, sleep myths, alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, sleeping pills, and many other things. The goal of this is to give you all the information you need to improve your sleep quality and quantity. I’ll discuss behavioral tools to help achieve that goal as well as the mechanisms for sleep. I’ll also provide some resources for those wanting to dive deeper into sleep! For now, lets jump into the very first topic: sleep latency, sleep opportunity, and sleep efficiency.

Everyone has likely heard that everyone needs 8 hours of sleep. While this is not untrue, it does miss the whole picture. The NSF, National Sleep Foundation, recommends that adults sleep between 7-9 hours a night and when people hear that, they are quick to calculate what that looks like. If you need to wake up at 8am, then going to bed at midnight would be ideal, right? This is not exactly true because of something called sleep opportunity, sleep latency, and sleep efficiency. The recommended 7-9 hours is time asleep, not time in bed. Sleep opportunity refers to the amount of time you are giving yourself to sleep. If you are wanting to sleep for 8 hours, you need to give yourself slightly more time than 8 hours in bed to achieve this because of sleep efficiency and sleep latency.

Sleep latency refers to how long it typically takes you to fall asleep. On average, it can take 20-30 minutes to fall asleep. If this sounds like a lot of time, don’t worry because there is some wiggle room here. If it takes you a few seconds to fall asleep, that is likely a sign of sleep deprivation and if it takes longer than this to fall asleep, some larger problem may be at play. With this in mind, it should make sense that going to bed at 11:30 to wake up at 8 would be best to ensure 8 hours of sleep is achieved. Sleep efficiency ties all this together because it refers to how much of your time in bed spent asleep. The lowest threshold for a healthy sleep efficiency is about 85%. That means you’re getting about 6.8 hours out of 8 if your sleep efficiency is that low. It’s important to keep in mind that we all wake up throughout the night, typically at the end of our sleep cycles, for brief periods of time. You very rarely remember these kinds of awakenings, but it is not uncommon for people to wake up in the night for other reasons. These awakenings contribute to your sleep efficiency, so it is important to give yourself enough time to get the restful sleep you need!

Thank you for reading and I look forward to going on this journey with you toward healthy sleep!

Fun sleep fact for your friends: Once you have been awake for 16 hours, your cognitive function is equal to that of someone who is legally drunk.

Choosing Joy Through Thanksgiving

Sat, 19 Nov 2022 17:28:05 GMT

It is evident that we are experiencing a time of hardship in this world. It is no wonder that people are contending with higher levels of depression, anxiety, and emotional and relational distress, as we simply try to find the right path for ourselves and our families in a world that is making things harder and harder by the day. Things can feel overwhelming and even hopeless for even the most optimistic personality.

I’d like to take a look at a tool of discipline the Bible offers to combat and overcome these negative emotions. Thanksgiving. While it is easy and feels natural to give thanks when things are going well, it turns into much more of a disciplined adherence when things are not going our way. My proposed tool comes from a simple exercise I was asked to complete when I was in a state of depression, due to a possibly career ending injury I had sustained my first year playing collegiate volleyball. My trainer at the time, asked me to take 5 minutes every morning, before I did anything else, to simply write down any and every thing that I was thankful for. It seemed sort of silly, after all, how was being thankful going to help me recover from a devastating back injury?! But being the good psychology major that I was, I decided to give it the good old “college try”. As I completed the exercise each morning, I found myself filling multiple sheets of paper, front and back, very easily. I surprised myself! See, while I had been previously wasting all, or at least most, of my time, energy, and mood on my personal pity party, I hadn’t been allowing any space to reflect on the multitude of things I was grateful for, to fill my heart and thoughts. And subsequently, even more to my surprise, after completing the exercise every morning, I actually felt better and more motivated throughout my day! The exercise was formed through the theory of CBT; wherein, your cognitions affect your feelings, which in turn affect your behaviors, and the cycle continues in a circular fashion.

While I’ve presented this simple exercise for individual use, it is also applicable in our relationships. Have you ever found yourself thinking negatively about your spouse, partner, or children? Maybe wishing they would do something different, or something more? Possibly even leading to a spiral of thinking that leaves you with contempt or resentment in your heart? Doesn’t this sound like one of the last ways you actually want to think and feel about your spouse or child? I would propose the same exercise, but in this case, insert your spouse or child into the subject line. “Reasons I am Thankful for my Husband/Wife/Child”. I imagine you may find yourself exuding a level of appreciation throughout the day that may otherwise not have been. If the things you are grateful for are called upon in the moment, it could stop a negative thought train in its tracks! Additionally, you may even find that when your spouse or child falls short, this extra cushion of gratitude you have created, makes it easier to give grace. It could greatly alter the environment of gratitude and appreciation in your home, which can lead to greater joy in your life and the life of your family. By choosing thanksgiving, you can choose joy. It really can be your choice!

First Responders and Mental Health

Thu, 06 Oct 2022 16:31:18 GMT

First Responders and Mental Health

There is no deeper devotion than to help others in need. The willing sacrifice of one’s own being for the safety and security of another epitomizes what is so special about humanity. This humanity lifts up the weak, tends to the sick, rescues us from danger, and provides everyone peace of mind when asleep. Thankfully, our Fire Fighters, Police Officers, Correctional Officers, Dispatchers, and EMS workers all answer this call to service. Unfortunately, this call to service has negative consequences to some.

It is common knowledge that First Responders suffer more from divorce, mental health maladies, addition, self-destructive behaviors, and suicidal ideations than “normal” everyday citizens. With that said, people in this field are worried of the negative stigma that these maladaptive behaviors yield. Will I lose my job or be labeled “unfit for duty”? Ironically, the proper data lacks for the true numbers of First Responders that suffer from this on a day-to-day basis. In result, these dedicated and brave members unfortunately suffer without the proper help they need.

So, who helps the helper? Where does one go to try and process these dark images? Who can silence the cries for help that continuously race in their mind? Can religion help make sense of the fear, doubt, and evil they see? In reflection of these things, I remember a verse, have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest (Joshua 1:9 KJV). Can inner strength and resolve deflect the mental and physical effects these service members endure? Or can a combination of faith and a listening ear free themselves of some concern? If you believe this could be helpful, I am happy to offer a relatable ear to those who service us.

My name is J. Ervin Miller and I am a new Psychotherapist Intern with Lighthouse Counseling. I have served over 22 years of combined service as a Police Officer in Orlando, FL and today in Corrections. I have witnessed first hand the great accomplishments of being a First Responder. The satisfaction of helping others and the inner pride to be apart of something bigger than yourself. However, I have also witnessed the dark side of this life. The negative effects that tower over your personal life and health.

I believe personal connection is essential in a therapeutic scene. With that in mind, I would be more than happy to offer my services in attempt to help with your unique situation.

Habits and Change

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 16:37:54 GMT

Habits and Change

Have you ever wondered why you are struggling to create a change? Let’s face it change can be hard. However, change is not impossible. Sometimes we feel like change is what we want, but it’s not happening. Here are some pointers about, the brain, relationships, and how it contributes to change.

Neurons That Fire Together Wire Together: What does that mean? Behaviors, thoughts, and feelings reflect the circuits of neurons in the brain. In other words, we are wired for habit (patterns and prior experiences). The first step to breaking free of negative patterns starts with recognizing your patterns. The next step starts with being accountable. Being accountable means taking responsibility. Taking responsibility will help empower your choice-making skills. Then you want to check your emotions because unchecked emotions will lead you right back to your original starting place. Also, make sure to extract the lesson. Whatever the situation is, there is always something to be learned. Finally, make a different choice. Remember to respond to the situation instead of reacting

Psychotherapy Changes The Brain: Individual persons/individual brains do not function in isolation. Changes in neuroplasticity occur as a result of practice or experience. Which results in new learning and memory. Therefore, let’s get started today to create new patterns. Creating new patterns can help lead to that change you are looking for.

Human Brain and Relationships: Our Relationships as infants set the stage for continuing relationships across a lifespan. A parent’s state of mind concerning attachment is the most powerful predictor of how the parent-child relationship will evolve. Did you know that the individual at greatest risk of developing significant psychiatric disturbances are those with disorganized/disoriented attachment and unresolved trauma and grief? Our nervous system and bodily state are deeply interwoven by trophallaxis (sensory exchange and social signals to create a response). Therefore, a sense of “self” emerges from the mind. In other words, identity is shaped by our relationships.

Habits and Change: Did you know that energy in the brain is primary in the form of electrochemical energy flow as ions move in and out of membranes of the neuron during the action potential? In other words, information that enters consciousness is important because consciousness permits choice and change. Being conscious can influence the outcome of emotional processing. To create that desired change, conscious choices must take place. More often than not, we repeat cycles because we repeat past choices. Most of the time people tend to react to a situation instead of thoughtfully responding to the situation. When you start to evaluate circumstances through lenses of clarity, you can begin to see and therefore, make different choices. The decisions may be uncomfortable, but that willingness to stretch will present new outcomes.

5 Steps to Creating Change

Awareness: Change begins with awareness, and admittedly, being objectively aware can be challenging. Creating awareness starts with aligning your values, beliefs, and personality. To create awareness, you need to know yourself.
Desir e: Think about a time when someone was trying to change you. Up until you noticed the value of creating the change, you most likely resisted or made a surface change to soothe the person, but it wasn’t a sincere or permanent change. People change only when they decide to make the change themselves.
Knowledge : Knowing your desire, your why, opens you up to accepting the what and the how. Knowing the how gives us confidence and support.
Action: The more you do something, the easier it is to keep doing it, whether good or bad. You can’t succeed if you don’t do anything. By maintaining the action, you are setting yourself up for a greater chance of hitting your goals without being too detailed and overplaying the plan
Perseverance: Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. It doesn’t matter what your goal is or how long it takes you to reach that goal. The chances of your success depend largely on your willingness to persist and persevere.

Connecting With Your Teen

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 16:34:41 GMT

Although there is quite a big age difference and size gap, children going through the “terrible twos” and teens have more similarities than one would think. At both stages in life, kids learn to be more independent. Children transition from babies to toddlers who can walk, talk and move around at age two. Teens are moving from childhood to more grown-up roles. At both phases in life, kids are moving away from their parents and having a try at their independence. As adults know, growing up and relying on oneself can be a feat. Hence, our children may act out when life gets cumbersome.

These changes are complicated for teens and their caregivers. Parents may also have a tough time moving from treating their teenager like a child to an adult in training. During middle and high school, kids’ brains are not fully developed, but they are making decisions that have real-life implications. Growing brains means they need trusted adults as guides.

Being a parent of an adolescent is not a cakewalk, but connecting with your child during the transition from kid to adult is more important than ever. As a parent, staying calm and involved in your child’s life can be tricky, especially when it feels like they are alienating their caregivers. So often, the children who push away are the ones who need their adults role models the most. They are “hiding” because they want someone to “find” them.

So, what can caregivers do to support their teenage children?

Validate and listen. When teens talk about their day or the complexity of their lives, lend an ear and authentically acknowledge that what they are going through is tough. So often, they want to be heard rather than given advice.
Remain present. When your growing child confides in you, be fully immersed in the moment. Put away your work, the phone, television, or anything else that may be distracting. Adolescents don’t always want to discuss what’s going on in their lives, so it is essential that when they do, you are giving them your full attention so that they can bond with a trusted adult.
Build connections. Teens have busy lives due to school, sports, and socialization. Spending time with your child between crazy schedules is not effortless, but quality time is vital. Some examples are cooking/eating meals together, game nights, crafting, gardening, movie marathons, or family outings. Spending time with one another will maintain a secure attachment with your teenager.
Trust. As your children age, they crave independence and want to know they can be counted on to make decisions. Building trust with your adolescent is an integral part of maintaining connection. For example, permitting them to run an errand or allowing opportunities to show that they can keep their promise to be home by curfew enables them to understand they can be reliable.
Teamwork. Teenagers begin to make their own decisions, some of which may not meet your expectations. If your child says they will keep in contact with you but fail to do so, your job as a parent is to maintain boundaries by providing consequences and giving your teen a chance to design a solution. Explaining that rules keep them safe and creating a plan together on how they will follow through with expectations in the future gives your child the opportunity to have a say in ramifications and have a plan for success.
Positive praise. It is clear when teens fall short of parental expectations. However, adolescence is also a time for growth. Remember to be your child’s biggest cheerleader, and tell them what they are doing right. Maybe they didn’t ace the test, but you noticed that they studied before the exam. Or they assisted with the upkeep of the house. There are always things that your teen child will be doing right, and pointing out the positives will allow their confidence to flourish.
Know your teen. It is typical for teenagers to make mistakes and learn on the way, but be mindful of the intensity and frequency of undesirable behaviors. Ask your child about unusual changes and be a supportive adult if you notice notable differences in their behaviors. They may need your assistance to guide them through the adversities of becoming a young adult. Teens can undergo significant life changes, and some challenges go beyond what the parent can provide. Intense hardships may be a sign that you can aid your teen by scheduling a session with a mental health provider.

Attachment

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 16:40:36 GMT

Do you ever find yourself preoccupied with your relationships; or struggling to connect with others? If so, keep reading to learn more about attachment. Attachment theory is based on the assertion that the need to be in a close relationship is rooted in our genes. Humans are programmed by evolution to single out a few specific individuals to create special relational ties. The need to be near someone special is so important that the brain has a biological mechanism especially responsible for creating and regulating connections with attachment figures (parents, children, and romantic partners).

The attachment system consists of emotions and behaviors that ensure safety and protection by staying close to loved ones. Fundamentally, attachment principles teach that “most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. When emotional needs are met, and the earlier the better, attention can be turned outward” (Levin, Heller, 2011). For example, the more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they can become.

Where Do Attachment Styles Come From:

Originally, it was assumed that adult attachment styles were predominantly a product of upbringing. As a result, it was hypothesized that current attachment is determined by the way in which you were cared for as a baby. For example, if parents were sensitive, available, and responsive, a secure attachment was created. If parents were inconsistently responsive, an anxious attachment was created. If parents were distant, ridged, and unresponsive, an avoidant attachment was created.

Today, however, it is known that attachment styles in adulthood are influenced by a variety of factors, one of which is the way our parents care for their children, but other factors also come into play including life experiences. According to Dr. Levine, it is not impossible for someone to change their attachment style. On average, “one in four people do so over a four-year period” (Levine, Heller, 2011). Most people are unaware of the issue, so these changes happen without ever being aware of the occurrence.

Secure Vs. Insecure Attachment:

A secure attachment bond meets the needs of a persons need for security. Having a secure attachment allows for optimal development in a person. Secure attachments result in healthy self-awareness, enthusiasm to learn, empathy, and trust. This helps a person react well to stress, try new things independently, form stronger intrapersonal relationships, and problem solve. People with secure attachments are comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. An insecure attachment bond results in needs for security not being met. Having an insecure attachment can impede a person’s development. Also, it can restrain mental, emotional, and physical development. People with insecure attachments tend to avoid others, refuse interaction with others, show anxiety, anger, fear, and embellished distress.

In this post anxious and avoidant personalities are classified as insecure attachments. An anxious attachment consists of people who are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their parents or partners ability to love them back. People who have an anxious attachment may have a hard time feeling secure in a relationship.

In relationships this can be clinginess towards a particular caregiver (lover) or inconsolable when the caregiver (lover) leaves. As an adult this can lead into jealously and insecurity in relationships (Ng, 2017). An avoidant attachment consists of people who equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. This type of attachment is formed when caregivers or loved ones are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive. Avoidant attachments appear outwardly independent, struggle in connecting with others, rely heavily on self-soothing techniques to suppress emotions, and struggle verbalizing emotional needs (Ng, 2017).

References :

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2011). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find- and keep-love.

Ng, H. (2017). Contentment Duration Mediates the Associations between Anxious Attachment Style and Psychological Distress. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 258–258. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00258

Good Sleep: Good Health

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 16:43:17 GMT

“Sleep is an investment in the energy you need to be effective tomorrow.” – Tom Roth

When addressing mental health concerns such as Depression or Anxiety, an area often overlooked is our sleep habits. Mental Health disorders and sleep are a bidirectional relationship. Meaning, depression and anxiety can contribute to sleep problems and sleep problems contribute to depression and anxiety. So, where do we start?

First, take on the mindset of a detective. Be curious! What would happen if you changed one or two small things in your sleep hygiene habits? When we approach habit change from a curious mind, rather than “I have to”, we tend to stick with our changes more consistently.

Now that you have your detective hat on, examine your bedtime routine. Are you on a screen until “lights out” or even falling asleep to the TV? Is the temperature in your bedroom too hot? Do you take in caffeine late in the day? Small things make a big impact.

But why make changes? The benefits of healthy sleep affect us physically and mentally. When our sleep schedules are interrupted, it can be as it someone set up a concrete barrier across the major highways of our brains. We often experience diminished problem solving skills, increased reactivity, and irritability. We tend to lose some control of our emotions. In other words, “Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds” (JoJo Jensen).

Physically, lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain, cardiovascular disease and stroke (CDC 2016). This is partially due to the cortisol hormone released in our bodies when we have not gotten healthy sleep. Cortisol is our stress hormone and contributes to weight gain and anxiety.

To improve you sleep patterns:

Be consistent. Going to bed and waking at the same time trains our bodies to rest when we tell it to rest. Avoid large meal, alcohol, and caffeine before bed. Caffeine has a shelf life in our bodies of 12 hours. Many people believe they can have caffeine well into the day with no effect. This might be a great area to do your own research on how caffeine is effecting your sleep. Get some exercise every day. Make it a habit to include a walk in your day. Getting outside for fresh air and exercise helps us sleep better at night.

So, be curious about how your routine effects you and what changes you can make to get healthy sleep to improve mental and physical health.

The Impact of Nature Exposure

Wed, 06 Jul 2022 16:46:32 GMT

Exposure to nature is beneficial to mental health. Therefore, activities including green areas or aspects of nature such as plants, Earth, and water can be therapeutic (Ramshini et al.,2018). Scientific literature suggests that “green time” improves mental health and physical movement. (Crnic & Kondo, 2019). Nature exposure is linked to quicker recovery of illness and a boost in attitude and self-esteem. Involving oneself in nature and quite literally getting your hands dirty with the elements decreases the risk of chronic disease and loneliness. Something is so satisfying about feeling the grass beneath your feet and breathing in the fresh morning air. Whether it is merely taking a walk and appreciating the sights and sounds, planting a garden, or
improving Mother Nature by volunteering.

Researchers have discovered when children interact with the natural environment, they improve behavior in the classroom environment, such as task completion, focus, and ability to follow directions (Swank et al., 2015). During the teen years, school, work, and social lives routinely take precedence over time spent outdoors. Busy teens might claim that there is no time to enjoy the outdoors. (Birch et al., 2020). However, adolescents can interact with nature by picking plants, skipping rocks in the pond, fishing, or swimming. Another option is for teens to seek part-time employment that immerses them in nature, such as working at a garden center, landscaping, youth camps, or volunteering. Working outdoors can be fun, calming, and a booster in self-confidence and self-reliance because they see the effects of their efforts.

Wildlife can also be a natural teacher. A study of three participants indicated that equine therapy positively impacted young people. For example, animals can help children build attachments, follow procedures, gain bodily awareness, reduce impulsivity, and help them feel free and calm. Additionally, animals can improve executive functioning skills, teach safe boundaries and kind touch, and promote empowerment (Naste et al., 2017).

Take a moment to think about how you feel when you spend time outside doing something you love. Then, challenge yourself to take a walk, eat a meal on the patio, complete homework, or plan outside. Better yet, do an outdoor activity with someone you love. Just a few
minutes outside daily can help our bodies reset and tremendously impact our physical and mental health.

Tips To Improve Mental Health & Well-Being

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 16:49:28 GMT

Get Active! One of the most effective methods to feel better is to get up and get active doing something. Move around, go for a walk, exercise, play a sport, do things around your home. Create a regular pattern engaging in movement of some type. Your body and brain with thank you! Too much sedentary behavior can create patterns that produces feelings of sluggishness, disconnection and avoidance from important, meaningful things. We all need time to sit and rest AND it is vital that we get active and maintain patterns of activity in our lives.
Go To Bed! Getting regular, consistent sleep is vital to everyone’s well-being. Our emotional and intellectual capacity for managing stress, solving problems, being creative and present in our lives is directly linked to the amount and quality of sleep we get. It is very difficult to perform optimally when we are tired, worn down, and sleep deprived. Getting regular consistent sleep will improve ones emotional and intellectual functioning, improve mood, and ability to enjoy life! Our bodies heal themselves from a multitude of things while it’s in a sleep state. There are a myriad of self-initiated sleep-related behaviors one can do to improve sleep quality (set a calming bedtime routine, consistent wake time, dietary considerations, among many more). There is professional medical assessment and treatment as well for individuals with sleep disorders. The bottom line is, good sleep changes us, heals us, and contributes to us feeling better!
Connect! We are relational beings and designed for connection with others! People vary in how much connection they feel good about or comfortable with. The truth is though, we are designed to know others and to be known by others. Healthy relationships put a joy and spark into everyone’s lives. Make it a point to be intentional in your relationships. Spend time with those you care about. Go on a date with that special someone; foster interest in your children’s favorite activities; call a friend you haven’t chatted with for a while and grab lunch; go golfing, fishing, shopping, or to the theatre; write someone an email, send them a card or a letter; take a family trip, play a game, invite people over for a fire or barbeque; say hi to someone at work and introduce yourself. The options are endless. Find a cure and positive feelings through connection!
Challenge Yourself! One of the best ways to feel better is to challenge ourselves with a goal, and then go achieve it. Everyone can build their confidence and competence by committing to doing something a little bit challenging. Confidence and competence feels great! Committing to doing something a little bit hard and mastering it creates a marvelous boost in how one feels about themselves. Building Mastery can be with anything, but it needs to be a little bit challenging to get the benefit. Learn a new skill, start a new hobby, solve a problem, study a new topic, get more education, get a little out of your comfort zone, and persevere with something. This will help you feel accomplished, confident and competent.

States of Mind from a Neurological Perspective

Thu, 26 May 2022 16:53:27 GMT

What do you think of when you think of a “state of mind?” Things that come to mind immediately is moods or emotions. While this is true, a state of mind is much more complicated than that (Siegel, 2020). Understanding how states of mind of are shaped and maintained, from a neurological perspective (the biological function of the brain) can give you hope that moods or states of mind can be changed with interventions and time. You can have power in changing what has previously been thought to be unchangeable or hopeless to change.

Our brains are always changing and adapting to the people, places, and objects around us. Our environment shapes us, and, in turn, we shape our environments. Our brains change every second of every day, making and changing the connections inside itself.

When we have an interaction with a person, place, or thing, our brains make connections between that specific thing and emotions, thoughts, opinions, and behaviors with the goal to increase understanding of and surviving in our environment. When these connections are reinforced regularly, used over and over again, the connections become stronger and more automatic. For example, a husband and wife have been arguing and fighting for months. Now, whenever they see one another, they instantly become distressed, anticipating frustration, irritation, anxiety, and a fight. This is because over the last several months, their brains have associated the sight of their spouse with these negative feelings and behaviors; this does not mean they have fallen out of love and with some work, the couple can change these interactions and return to previous loving feelings they had before the fighting started. This applies to many different things, parent-child relationships, the relationship we have with ourselves, siblings, even the relationship we may have developed with the mental health diagnoses that seem to plague us.

Changing the connections in the brain takes time and intentionality but it can be done. This can be done on your own or with a therapist. The focus is on doing things differently that result in positive feelings and exchanges with others. The focus is changing engrained patterns that have helped us survive in the past but are hurting us now. Being intentional with our thoughts, behaviors, and exchanges with others over time help to make new connections that result in more positive feelings, emotions, or states of mind. Changing engrained states of mind is not easy and patience for ourselves and our loved ones needs to be exercised; it will take time. But, understanding that the brain can change and adapt can increase hope that we can change; you can change. You have the power to choose different. Don’t wait, the sooner you get started, the sooner you will see the results of your hard work.

Siegel, D.J. (2020). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (4th Ed.). New York: Guildford

Family Balance During Transitions

Tue, 17 May 2022 16:56:52 GMT

This month as parents of seniors and parents of children returning to college prepare for their children to live effectively outside the home it is important to remember that Individual growth, unique perceptions and importance autonomy are a few ways to live with the balance of personal independence and dependence in family relationships. Parents need to balance that children feel they are living with others as an individual who supports the system and the “family exists to provide growth nurturance, and support for the individual self-actualization” (Yarhouse & Sells, 2017, p. 197). Each member of the group knows they are an individual but related to everyone in the family and will be offered the safety, honesty, and acceptance so there does not have to be choice between independence or dependence.

The ability of the family to maintain strong relationships and positive experiences within the family but also give individuals the freedom for growth individualism will provide a foundation for individual development. It is the family’s responsibility to ensure each person has an opportunity to develop a personality and identity of their own. It is important that independence is a result of a connection with the family and having one’s own thoughts and feelings but also an awareness that dependence is a result of relationships with others. According to Yarhouse & Sells (2017) “identifying emotional suppression as the root of all human/family problems”. This suggests that without communication centered on honesty, emotions, and acceptance the family will become dysfunctional. Dependence on a family with problems created by the suppression of emotions and feelings could have the potential to push an individual toward personal independence because of unhealthy relationships (Yarhouse & Sells, 2017).

The family should be a source of support that provides the safety of a familiar place where individualism is fostered. Individuals can experience independence and be assured that the family relationships will be stable. The individual does not take precedence over the family and the family does not inhibit the induvial. Both the independent person and the dependent family unit work in combination to create a balance between the individual and the group.

References
Yarhouse, M. A., & Sells, J. N. (2017). Family Therapies: A comprehensive Christian Appraisal (2nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Time Management and Mental Health

Wed, 06 Apr 2022 17:01:32 GMT

Time management can be an elusive thing, especially if you are struggling with ADD, ADHD, ASD, anxiety, depression, stress, or any other conditions that can impair your ability to plan. This struggle can add to your growing list of stressors and in turn exacerbate them, creating a negative cycle that can keep you both unproductive and feeling down. However, the opposite can also be true. Your ability to flex this muscle, can have a tremendously positive impact on your overall mental health. As a new season approaches, it seems fitting to address this issue, and move toward a brighter time (; Here are some things that you can do to help you get into a healthy, functional planning routine:

Set up a daily schedule for planning and review :

It will work best to set aside the same time each day to complete this review and planning time.
Look over your calendar and plans for the day’s activities.
Make any changes that may be needed for the day. This can be based on things you were able to accomplish previously, or new activities or priorities that may have come up, etc.

Set up a weekly schedule for planning and review :

Review the previous week’s activities. Reflect on things that worked, things that may have been less helpful, and what you can implement going forward that will be most helpful toward accomplishing your goals and tasks.
Make sure to review any scheduled activities or appointments for the week. If you are using additional applications as reminders, take this time to enter this information. Make any adjustments or confirm as needed.
Note any tasks that need to be prioritized for the week, based on goals and commitments; and plan the time you will set aside to complete these tasks.
Unspecified tasks and errands can be scheduled into the other times available during the week at this time as well.

Happy Planning!

Marriage License: A Learner’s Permit

Fri, 25 Mar 2022 17:04:37 GMT

When couples first meet and fall in love, they often spend hours talking trying to get to know each other and are enamored with each other’s differences. We find over time, those differences begin to cause conflict and the couple loses sight of the value of being different. They begin to try to change each other instead of trying to use each other’s differences as a way to bring balance in their own lives. When couple’s come to counseling, it is very common practice to help couples again understand and appreciate each other’s differences and find ways to use those differences to strengthen the relationship. We hear opposites attract but eventually cause conflict. Couples who learn to capitalize on their differences find more success in life and feel more loved.

It’s a wise groom who has to be dragged to the altar. He knows what love is. It’s death. If lovers don’t know this, they are headed for trouble. Never will you have your way again. You can’t be happy if this other person isn’t. No matter who wins the argument, you lose. Always. The sooner you learn this the better off you will be.

Love is an exercise in frustration. You leave the window up when you want it down. You watch someone else’s favorite TV program. You kiss when you have a headache. You turn the music down when you like it loud. You learn to be patient without sighing or sulking.

Love’s doing things for the other person. In marriage two become one but the one isn’t you. It’s the other person. You love this person more than you love yourself. This means that you love this person as she or he is. Acceptance. We ask ourselves frankly what that impulse is that makes us want to redesign a person. It isn’t love. We want the other person to be normal like us. But is that loving the other person or ourselves? Love brings out the best in people. They can be themselves without artificiality. People who know they are loved glow with beauty and charm.

Let this person talk. Create the assurance that any idea, any suggestion, any feeling can be expressed and will be respected. Allow the other person to star once in a while. A wife’s joke doesn’t have to be topped. Don’t interrupt your husband in the middle of his story. Cultivate kind ways of speaking. It can be as simple as asking them instead of telling them to do things. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Married life is full of crazy mirrors to see ourselves. How stubborn, how immature we really are. You may be waiting for your wife to finish because you never lift a finger to help her.

Love is funny. Its growth doesn’t depend on what someone does for you. It’s in direct proportion to what you do for him or her.

The country is swarming with people who have never learned this. So are divorce courts.

“Men are from Mars…”, Part 3 – Ephesians 5:23,24”, Countdown! Golden Minutes Ministries Newsletter, (Long Beach, CA, October 1996).

S.T.O.P.

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 17:11:39 GMT

It can seem rather difficult to intentionally practice mindfulness, preserve peace and strive to relieve stress with all that we see happening across our country and globe right now. Unless hiding quietly under a rock the majority of humans are experiencing a time unlike any before us; one in which our emotional minds are overwhelmed and overstimulated.

Research has proven that mindfulness reduces stress and increases a sense of peace. But how, in a non-stop, demanding culture, full of alarming news stories in each direction we turn, are we to slow down, look inward and cultivate peace?

The concept of mindfulness, stemming from Marcia M Linehan, an American psychologist and creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), may feel like a daunting and time consuming skill to grasp. This is not necessarily the case, in fact, you can find simple, easy and quick ways to practice mindfulness.

Let’s review a skill we can take with us throughout our day to practice easy mindfulness.

S.T.O.P . is a simple acronym to recall when you are feeling overwhelmed with stress, but also easily incorporated during moments that are lighter and more calm.

S : Stop- quite literally, freeze, stopping helps you stay in control and not act without thinking.

T : Take a step back- remove yourself mindfully and physically if possible from the stressful event. Breath. Take a deep breath, or multiple until you feel in control.

O : Observe- what is going on around you and within you?

P : Proceed mindfully, ask yourself what your goal is and what actions and emotions will help you get there.

Remember, mindfulness is not about perfection, it is a practice guiding us to an improved awareness and sustainable peace in a life full of stressful events.

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you exercise this skill.

The Pot of Gold Under the Rainbow: Spring Cleaning and Wellbeing

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 17:08:23 GMT

Now that the weather is beginning to get warmer and the days are getting longer it is a good time to start spring cleaning. According to the article “Home and the extended-self: Exploring associations between clutter and wellbeing” there is a connection between physical and mental health and the amount of clutter and decluttering habits (Rogers & Hart, 2021). When we look around the places we live at the clutter that has been accumulating over the winter months like neglected piles of paper, tables or counters that have become catchalls for various items and other areas in the home like closets, basements and storage rooms that have become overwhelmed with clutter it might seem like at unmanageable task that you don’t even feel like starting. Clutter can reduce the amount of satisfaction we feel in our homes and our lives. People think of the places they live as an environment where rest and comfort are provided. Clutter can reduce those feelings and make homes a source of stress.

Starting to get your house to be a place where you can find comfort and rest begins with organizing and finding a place for items in your home that have found their way to countertops, closets or rooms where they don’t belong and reducing the amount of clutter. A first step in accomplishing this is to make a list. Start with a list of everything that needs to be cleaned in the home. Write out the cleaning tasks in order of priority. Next, break the list into smaller, manageable pieces that can be done over a set amount of time. If the entire basement needs to be cleaned and organized, make a list of each separate area to be cleaned one at a time. If the goal is to clean a large space in a few hours that might make it overwhelming to even get started. If the goal is to start cleaning three or four smaller areas over a weekend it becomes a list of manageable tasks.

Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph. D. suggests that clutter reduces the feeling that our homes are a place of pride and retreat from the outside world and that clutter results in poorer mental health (Whitbourne, 2017). A clean and organized home is beneficial for mental and physical health. When the clutter is put in its proper place and unnecessary items have been removed the gold under the rainbow will be a home where you can find comfort and rest.

References

Rogers, C. J., & Hart, R. (2021, February). Home and the extended-self: Exploring associations between clutter and wellbeing. Journal of Environmental Psychology, Volume 73. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jenvp.2021.101553

Whitbourne, S. K. (2017, May 13). 5 Reasons Why Clutter Disrupts Mental Health. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201705/5-reasons-why-clutter-disrupts-mental-health

Managing Burnout: Remember Who the Real Enemy Is

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 18:13:46 GMT

At varying points in our lives almost all of us will likely struggle with some form of burnout. For most, this is likely in their professional lives however, it can impact almost any part of our lives. Burnout most often comes from us giving more than what we have left to give leading to one of three main components: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, or decreased sense of accomplishment. Emotional exhaustion leaves us feeling emotionally drained like there is nothing left in the tank to give, depersonalization is when we take the little we have left and check out, and decreased sense of accomplishment is the feeling that the work we do doesn’t matter as much anymore. Any of these components can lead us to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, having an impact on our mental and physical health.

Managing burnout is much trickier than we often think. How often are we told to just ‘take better care of ourselves’? This doesn’t resonate very well when we feel like we have nothing left to give, not even to ourselves. Instead, the way that we must look to manage burnout is through knowing who ‘the enemy’ is. ‘The enemy’ is not us or our own motivation/willpower, instead, most often it is a product of our situation. Perhaps working in physical, emotionally, or mentally exhausting jobs, or having very condescending or draining coworkers. Simply ‘taking care of ourselves’ alone may not be enough. Instead, we must know that ‘the enemy’ is not simply ourselves, but rather the system we are in, and the structure we have in place.

Changing the relationship with our system can happen in many ways. If we are feeling like our work leads us to emotionally being drained at the end of a hard day, then perhaps finding a friend, partner, or family member that we can share in our emotions to help us through them will allow us to ‘recharge.’ For some, finding hobbies or activities that they enjoy enables them to unwind and reset before the next day, such as going for a walk, fishing, reading a book, creating a craft, etc. For others changing the relationship could mean standing up to a rude coworker or even changing jobs. Regardless staying in the place of feeling burnt out and blaming ourselves causes us to become the problem. Instead know who the ‘real enemy’ is, identify your needs and stand up for what you need.

Marriage Forever Program: Steps to Resolving Conflict

Thu, 24 Feb 2022 18:20:33 GMT

Hello again. A few weeks ago, we reviewed the 5 Levels of Communication emphasizing the need for deeper communication to produce intimacy and closeness in our relationships. We talked about how most couples enter counseling first describing that they are having difficulties with communication. Although learning communication skills is very important, it is usually a symptom and not the root of the problem. We will continue to walk through rooted issues in this series. You may also want to sign up for our Marriage/Couples Forever program to receive guided instruction on how to utilize these principles.

Resolving Conflict is a necessary skill. When you have problems, which every couple experiences, you have a tool to help you through the process of resolution. Unresolved conflict can haunt a couple and cause bitter roots for many years if not addressed. Here are some of the steps below:

1) DEFINE PROBLEM

Be specific.

Do not attack the person.

Attack the problem.

Deal only with the facts, not what you think, or feel are the facts.

Keep the problem the problem, don’t let your partner become the problem

2) TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE OTHER PERSON’S POINT OF VIEW

Accept and love them just the way they are.

Make each other aware of hurtful behavior, saying “I feel when you…’.

Utilize reflective listening, asking questions before reacting. Are you saying…..?

3) BRING IT UP

The person that is concerned about the problem or recognizes it first has the responsibility to bring it up.

Be sensitive to the times when you discuss important issues ……. “

You may always be the person bringing it up… This is a problem. Talk about it or get help from a professional.

4) RIGHT TIME / PLACE

Pick a neutral place to discuss it like the kitchen table.

Think before you speak and talk in an appropriate tone of voice.

Avoid causing a reaction by side-swiping your partner when they are not ready

5) BALANCE CRITICISM

Give a related positive trait for every negative trait you mention. “I appreciate that you…but I prefer that..”

6) DEFINE PROBLEM, TAKING TURNS

Each person has one minute to define the problem without interruption from the other person.

Listen very carefully to what the other person is trying to say.

Be a ready listener. Don’t answer until the other person is finished.

Give your full attention instead of thinking what you are going to say next. Each takes a turn until both can agree upon the definition of the problem. Ancient Proverb: How can 2 walk together except they be agreed.

Stay on the subject and do not “chase rabbits.” Don’t argue more than 10 minutes, you are probably not talking about what you starting talking about anyway

7) CHANGING YOURSELF

Accept that you cannot change others, but you can change yourself.

8) BRAINSTORMING

Each takes a turn, discussing possible options and solutions.

Everybody has a right to his/her opinion.

Accept the other persons feelings whether you agree with them or not.

Do not put them down by your body language or words.

It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

List them on a piece of paper.

When you put things down in black and white it seems a little bit simpler and

clearer. That is why the Bible is recorded on paper. Do not use silence to frustrate the other person.

If you are hesitant to speak, then explain why.

Practice the 5 Levels of Communication as discussed in our previous blog.

9) LOVE IS KIND

Always tell the truth but do it in a loving manner.

Do not exaggerate and lie.

Avoid words such as “always”, “never”, “I cannot”, etc.

NEVER use absolutes,, people get hung up on them especially men, no longer are they focused on the problem but the fact that you said Never. Now you are arguing over whether it is never.

10) OUTLETS FOR ANGER

Find an outlet for your anger or stress.

If you get upset or angry during the conversation, then get up and find a constructive outlet for your stress.

Try to plan your response ahead of time when you are calm.

Build up and do not tear down. Respond in a calm manner.

Discover a physical outlet such as walking, jogging, lifting weights, garden work, exercise, etc.

Develop a hobby.

11) FORGIVENESS RULES

When you are wrong, admit it and seek forgiveness.

When others seek forgiveness, then give it.

Forget any wrong done to you.

After reconciliation, do not bring it up again.

Confess any bitterness or resentment

Utilizing your Faith or Spirituality is a great asset.

12) CONCENTRATED SOLUTION

Come to a conclusion or compromise. Concentrate on the solution and not the problem.

Negotiate or come to a compromise on each specific problem or in combination with other personal preferences or problems. Sometimes we need to give in when a compromise is unavailable. Love is sacrificial.

Thank you for taking the time to read this Blog and investing in your relationship. We will continue to explore helpful hints from the Marriage/Couples Forever Program. See you in a couple weeks. Please contact us of you have any questions at 855-454-2463 or www.lighthousecounseling.com You can email me directly at larryb@lighthousecounseling.com

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