Specializing in the Building of

Strong Marriages & Healthy Families

Specializing in the Building of

Strong Marriages & Healthy Families


Blog

Blog

Lighthouse Counseling Ltd.

Blog

Lighthouse Counseling Ltd.

Lighthouse Counseling Ltd. Blog

22 Feb, 2024
As the winter months stretch on in Minnesota, bringing with them shorter days and colder temperatures, many of us find ourselves grappling with increased stress and anxiety. This is a natural response to the seasonal change, but it's vital to find effective ways to manage these feelings. At Lighthouse Counseling LTD, we advocate for mindfulness meditation as a powerful tool to enhance your well-being during these frosty months.
Woman with arms raised and eyes closed
By Chantal Wohnoutka 09 Nov, 2023
Stress! Go away!  We all experience stress in our lives. How do we cope with it, and can we change this, or how can we change this? Stress can come in many different forms and can affect us all differently. It can affect our mind, body, and soul. In our lives, we have many roles to fulfill like the role of being a partner, friend, co-worker, child, brother, sister, mother, father, etc. We try to be the best version of ourselves and would oftentimes like to give 100% to what we do and in our daily roles and tasks. This can cause stress in our daily lives. Things we can do to cope with our daily tasks are; Balance tasks Plan what tasks you need to accomplish and tackle those tasks first. Plan other tasks that are not a priority later. That way “as life tends to do”, something else comes up and you do not have time for that task. It is okay. Ask for help It is okay to ask for help. You will get the task done faster and it can also be more fun to complete a task with someone else. Exercise Exercise can free chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that make you feel good and happier. It can clear your mind and can give you more energy. It can help to distract from negative thinking. Eat Healthy This can provide you with more energy and can boost your mood. Studies suggest that a diet high in refined sugars can worsen symptoms of a mood disorder such as depression (MD, 2022). Eating healthy can help with your mental health symptoms. Get enough sleep Sleep helps us recharge our mind and body for the following day. Not enough sleep can affect our mood. Recommended is to sleep 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night (Stress and sleep N.D.). This will provide us with enough energy for the following day, boost our mood, and clear our minds. Meditate, practice deep breathing Meditation and deep breathing can relax your body and mind. Meditation has emotional and physical benefits that can release everyday stressors (A beginner’s guide to meditation 2022). Schedule daily me-time It is important to take good care of our mind, body, and soul. If we take care of ourselves, then we can take care of others. We will feel more relaxed once we do. Schedule something during your day that is only for you. What gives you energy and makes you feel good. Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
By Patricia Schneider MA, MHP 05 Oct, 2023
When first learning the concept of loving myself many years ago and hearing that it would benefit my physical, mental, and spiritual health I didn’t understand how this would work. I thought, how is this possible, where and in what way would I begin? I admit this was not my way of thinking or living. After considering this, and learning more about how to make this a part of my life, I began to put it into practice and it was worth it. My perspective and outlook changed. First, I learned there are two self-loves. There is the selfish kind which uses and takes from others without any consideration that has been done to others. Then there is the self-agape love. Having self-agape love is healthy and good. As we reflect on who we are and at our identity we begin to appreciate the gift our creator has given. It is respecting yourself, accepting yourself, even your flaws, and embracing your strengths. Being okay with who you are and practicing this self-love will help to ground, encourage and motivate you. Some steps to begin with learning how to loving yourself: Be kind to, trust in, respect yourself, and don’t compare yourself to others, Improving self-love also helps to improve mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. It helps with building confidence Loving yourself, you realize you are good and acceptable the way you are. It allows you to be more lenient with yourself Practicing self-love allows you to forgive yourself of mistakes or wrongs done and helps you move forward from the past. It helps give more of a positive perspective Being okay with who you are, loving yourself, you are motivated to be and live more positively. It helps with providing more of an understanding of others Making self-love a part of your lifestyle helps you to accept people for who they are and not to judge them. It helps with setting boundaries Having self-love you respect the person you are, setting boundaries and not letting others take advantage of you in any way. It helps with mindfulness Loving yourself helps you to be more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and helps give you more of an understanding of yourself. It improves your outlook on life Being okay with yourself, loving yourself changes your outlook on life. This brings more of a contentment within you and you are more apt to reach out to assist others when in need.
Couples therapy
By Corri Jones, MA 31 Aug, 2023
Couples therapy can be beneficial in helping couples work through their problems and improve their relationship.
By Autumn Mattson 31 Aug, 2023
Hello, welcome back! I’m so excited you are here with me today. In my last post, we approached therapy from a lens of not knowing what to say and addressed starting points for helping in the therapeutic process. In this next segment, I will continue with pointers around when you don’t know what to say in a therapy session and discuss how therapy is for everyone. Let’s get started by talking about new life challenges. People who seek therapy; typically have something they want to address. Sometimes these situations are not resulting because of a problem. However, they have unidentified feelings or emotions that need attention. When new experiences occur in life such as childbirth, marriage, relocation, or divorce, this can create uncertainty or bring up new areas that need help understanding. Sometimes people can’t articulate the feelings going on inside; however, they can recognize that something is different. Next, let’s talk about your thought life. Do you ever avoid troublesome thoughts and conflicts that occur inside your head? For example, this could be something you are ashamed of, something you think is silly to worry about, something you think is insignificant, or stupid. Thoughts like these happen to us all. What better place than therapy to bring up these thoughts and feelings? So many people think it’s not okay to have feelings or think a certain way. Let’s explore it in therapy together. It’s okay to think and feel. In my time as a therapist, the question “What would you least like to talk about today” has been helpful. It gives me information about where the trouble is. Many times uncomfortable, painful, or difficult topics are avoided. In these cases, they tend to fester and get worse. Consider therapy a safe place; to talk about things you most want to avoid. Next, let’s talk about difficulties around opening up. Do you struggle with letting people in? If you have concerns about this area and don’t know the answers, bring it up to your therapist, there might be something to explore, such as attachment. Even if the topic is not addressed right at the moment because of discomfort, it is valuable to understand the barriers keeping you from opening up about a particular matter. Therapy is a safe place, and as a clinician, I desire to create a safe and non-judgmental space for you to be your true authentic self. Next, let’s explore discomforts with therapy. As stated in my previous article, opening up to a stranger can be difficult and scary. It takes time to build trust. If you have trouble trusting your therapist, don’t be afraid to bring that up. Having these discussions help build foundations of trust which help you to open up more. I attempt to meet my clients where they are to build rapport. This helps cultivate a safe and secure environment in the process of being vulnerable enough to open up. Finally, thank you for taking the time to explore these challenging topics. We covered lots of ground on life challenges, thought patterns, difficulties opening up, and discomforts with therapy. In closing, I would like to challenge you to make a difference in your life today by calling to get set up with a therapist. Remember we all have 24 hours in a day, and within that 24-hours, we choose what we do with that time. I would be happy to assist you in finding the right fit for a mental health practitioner. 
healthy fruits, vegetables and meats
By Naomi Drenk MSW, LICSW 31 Jul, 2023
Dopamine is a hormone that plays a big role in our emotional health. It is involved with attention, regulation of movement, and reward. When dopamine is released in larger levels it creates feelings of reward and happiness that often motivate us to repeat the specific behavior that led to dopamine release. When we have low dopamine levels however, we tend to lack the feelings of joy and happiness in events and activities that most enjoy. Our dopamine levels are controlled in our nervous system and there are some things you can do to help boost them. Eat a lot of protein . We need protein to help our body create amino acids, which in turn create dopamine. Eating a diet rich in lean proteins such as chicken, pork and fish can help us regulate our dopamine levels.  Exercise regularly. Regular exercise increases our endorphins and improves mood. In as little as 10 minutes we can see improvement in mood, but even more affects are found after 20 mins. So, there are many reasons finding a way to get in a 20 min walk daily is good for your body, mind and spirit. Your daily walk improves the levels of dopamine in your body, improves physical health and can easily be incorporated as part of your daily prayer or meditation time. Get enough sleep. Studies have shown that a lack of sleep disrupts our bodies natural release of dopamine in the morning. Improve sleep patterns and getting high quality sleep can help your body release and build dopamine and optimum levels, allowing you to be more alert and positive throughout your day. Listen to Music. I often encourage clients to create a “happy playlist” and use this when feeling down or going for that daily walk. Studies show that music increases activity in the pleasure areas of the brain. Prayer or Mediation . People who participate in as little as 3 minutes a day of prayer or mediation are shown in studies to have increased dopamine levels. Spending consistent time in prayer/mediation takes practice, but the benefits can be long lasting. Set a timer and practice for just 30 seconds and build from there. One way to stay focused in prayer is to write out your prayer. This kinetic movement of the hand can help our brain stay focused.
lightbulb head being hit with a hammer and shattering glass
By J Ervin MIller 13 Jul, 2023
Sometimes in life, we can be our own worst enemies. It is ironic but true. Reflect on a time when you had a goal that did not come to fruition. How did you view that result? Did you view inward and cast blame on your abilities, actions, or mistakes? Or did you view your failure(s) as originating from other people’s actions or unfavorable environmental factors? In short, how did you view your locus of control? At some time in life, we all have a vision of how life should be, the best version of ourselves. This optimistic vision inspires us and pushes us past our comfort zone. It enables us to endure pain, hardships, and the possibility of failure. It provides us with a “blueprint” that contains certain constructive behaviors and actions that increase the probability of success. Over time, these sacrifices build confidence and resolve. But what happens if some of the things we do set us back? It is possible that some of the behaviors you partake in are the same actions that are holding you back. Identifying these negative behaviors and reducing or removing them from your daily life is essential. These unproductive behaviors make life more difficult and prolong the process toward success. In the clinical realm, we classify these negative behaviors as “self-destructive behaviors.” Self-destructive behaviors are commonly conscious acts that can cause emotional and physical harm to our loved ones and us. Some examples of self-destructive behaviors include chronic procrastination, lack of follow-through, binge eating, substance abuse, unwise impulsive acts, and normalized lack of sleep. On the surface, these behaviors seem minor and unworthy of concern. However, prolonged application of these acts can lead to unhealthy routines and lifestyles. Establishing a healthy routine is vital to becoming your best version. As a result, removing or reducing self-destructive behaviors can be achieved through self-reflection and proper application. The first step is to identify the acts that are holding you back. Next, develop a “plan of action.” Finally, apply the necessary changes to your daily life and intend to follow through. Growth and success in life can be challenging. Why be in the way of yourself? My name is J. Ervin Miller. I am a psychotherapist with Lighthouse Counseling and serve the Hutchinson , Willmar , and Waconia areas. If you find yourself suffering from self-destructive behaviors that you are willing to remedy, I would love to join you on that journey. ‘ You can contact me or schedule an appointment with our staff at (855) 454-2463 . 
Couple smiling making hand heart
By Corri Jones, MA 05 Apr, 2023
Relationships are hard at times. Why do some lifelong relationships stay strong, and others fade away and how can you prevent a marriage from going bad or surviving the rocky times? World renown psychologists John and Julie Gottman have done research on couples over the years and their research predicted whether a couple would stay together or end their marriage. They discovered some key factors in happy couples and devised seven principles to prevent a marriage from breaking up. The principles are as follows: 1. Enhance your Love Map. Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. They have a detailed love map- they know the major events in each other’s history, and they know each other’s goals, worries, hopes and dreams. 2. Foster nurture fondness and admiration. These are two crucial elements in long-lasting romance. 3. Turn towards each other. In marriage people periodically make “bids” for their partner’s attention, affection, humor, or support. This is the basis for emotional connection, romance, and intimacy. 4. Let your partner influence you. Allowing the partner to share power in the relationship starting with having respect for the other partner’s opinion. 5. Solve your solvable problems. Here are a few tips. Step 1. Use a soft startup: complain but don’t criticize or attack your partner. State feelings without blame and express a need. Make sates with “I” instead of “you.” Step 2. Learn and make repair attempts. Deescalate the tension and pull out the negativity by taking a break, sharing what you are feeling, apologizing, or expressing appreciation. Step 3. Soothe yourself and each other. Conflict discussions can be “flooding.” Take a break to soothe and distract yourself. Step 4. Compromise. Decide together on a solvable problem to tackle. Draw two circles separately – a smaller inside a larger one. In the inner circle list aspects of the problem, you can’t negotiate. In the outer circle, list the aspects that you can compromise on. Try to make the outer circle as large as possible and inner circle as small as possible. Then compare and look for common basis for agreement. 6. Overcome Gridlock. Many perpetual conflicts are gridlocked behind each person’s stubborn position. In happy marriages, partners incorporate each other’s goals in their concept of what a marriage is about. Getting past gridlock is not necessarily giving in to the other’s position but honoring part of the other person’s concepts and meaning of what their hopes and dreams are. Create Shared Meaning. Marriage can have an intentional sense of shared purples, meaning, family values and cultural legacy that forms its own microcultures with rituals and customs (such as Sunday dinner or celebrations). The culture incorporates both dreams and is flexible enough to change so that the couple can grow and develop in their relationship. When relationship has this sense of meaning, conflict is less intense, and problems are less likely to lead to gridlock.
Sleep better written on a chalk board
By Kevin Hooker MA 05 Apr, 2023
Welcome to the second of many entries all about how you can sleep better and feel more rested! Last time, we discussed sleep efficiency, sleep latency, and sleep opportunity. This entry will dive into something many people know about and likely take because they feel like it helps them sleep. This common supplement is called melatonin and I will discuss exactly how melatonin works, some misconceptions, and who benefits from it the most! Let’s start with what melatonin is. Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone in our body that regulates the timing of your sleep. Take careful note that it helps with the timing and not the generation of sleep. Melatonin is often called the hormone of darkness because what triggers its production is a lack of light, but it has nothing to do with sleep beyond that. Many people will take melatonin and feel like they sleep better and go to sleep faster but this is largely a placebo effect, according to UC Berkley sleep scientist Dr. Matthew Walker. Dr. Walker wrote a book called Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams and I highly recommend it to anyone who is either interested in sleep or is looking for information to sleep better! Another issue that we run into when it comes to melatonin is its lack of regulation from the FDA. Why is this important? Are you going to die if you take too much melatonin? It’s important because the amount of melatonin varies from pill to pill. The bottle at your local Target may say 5mg but because it isn’t regulated, that actual amount varies from 40%-400%. This has a wide range of effects and makes it a finicky supplement. Long-term usage of melatonin will cause your pineal gland to stop making melatonin altogether, which will make sleeping even more difficult because now you’re reliant on outside sources for your melatonin. On average, the amount of extra sleep you obtain is a little over 3 minutes. This is an insignificant amount of sleep and not worth taking the supplement for. “But Kevin, you don’t understand! I have kids and when I give them melatonin, they are out like a light!” While I don’t have kids of my own, I understand the much needed peace that comes when they’re in bed but if your kids are having difficulty sleeping, melatonin will not be a long-term solution. It will function more as a band-aid, and it will make them dependent on the supplement to sleep. There are better ways!  At the start of this, I stated there are people who benefit from melatonin beyond a placebo effect. There are 3 groups of people that fall in that category: shift workers, the elderly, and those experiencing jetlag. The reason these groups of people benefit from melatonin revolves around the SCN (superchiasmatic nucleus), which functions as your body’s internal clock, and each of these groups have circumstances that inhibit the SCN’s normal function. The SCN is highly influenced by light so shift worker’s experience decreased quality of sleep because they’re sleeping against their natural circadian rhythm, dictated by the SCN. Those who are jetlagged have bodies that think they’re in a different time zone so it can be difficult to fall asleep when needed. Lastly, as we age, our brains begin to deteriorate in many areas. For the elderly, we know that their sleep can be shallow, short, and inconsistent. What do all of these three groups have in common? Sleep timing is an issue! Since melatonin helps with the timing of sleep, it should make sense why these groups of people should be taking it to help with their sleep. Fun fact for your next party: Beta amyloid is a sticky, toxic amino acid that builds in all of our brains. When we go to sleep, it is mostly washed away by the glymphatic system in our brains. When we don’t sleep as much as we need to for many years, beta amyloid stays in our brain. This amino acid is linked to dementia and Alzheimer’s!
Depressed woman sitting on the floor
By Corri Jones, MA 30 Mar, 2023
We used to believe that it was depression or anxiety that made people think negatively, but psychologists and psychiatrists have discovered that most people struggle with anxious or depressed first had negative, pessimistic, distorted thoughts that produced those feelings. Learning how to recognize these distorted thoughts can be helpful in growth in change in one’s overall mental health and functioning. We all have cognitive distortions from time-to-time, and it is important to recognize when we are having these distortions and realize that “hey, I’m doing that thing again, and maybe I need to change that thought pattern!” Understanding ourselves better is the key to growth in therapy. Several cognitive distortions are as follows:  Thinking in black and white – no grey areas to consider. Mind reading – thinking someone is thinking a certain thing when they probably are not. Catastrophizing – thinking the worst outcome is going to happen. Exaggerating – making self-critical or critical statements like never, nothing, everything or always. Filtering – ignoring the positive things that occur and focusing on and accentuating the negative. Discounting – rejecting positive experiences as not being important of meaningful. Judging – being critical of self and others with an emphasis on “should have, “”ought to”, “must” and “should not.” Feelings are facts – because you feel a certain way, reality is as fitting that feeling. Labeling – Calling self or others a bad name when displeased with a behavior. Self-blaming – Holding oneself responsible for outcome that wasn’t completely under one’s control or fault. A good tool for when you are having one of these cognitive distortions is to pause and reflect for a few minutes and ask yourself, “is that really a true or am I having a cognitive distortion?” Second, to reframe that thought with a positive one.
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